1. I'm officially in therapy, ugh. Seriously, she looked like she was twelve. I'm not entirely sure I'm going to stick with her but I committed to going back next week. If I don't stick with her I will go with one of the other referrals I got today.
2. She thinks that part of my problem is that I'm just exhausted because I don't sleep well and consequently I don't rest. She has asked me to see a psychiatrist to try a different sleeping aid since the Ambien hasn't been helpful.
3. She also asked me how I felt about antidepressants and I nixed that idea. I do believe that antidepressants can be helpful but my depression is situational. And I know that what I'm going through, I need to deal with. Masking my symptoms isn't going to help.
4. Apparently I've also put myself in a position where I'm extremely uncomfortable really opening up to others. She doesn't think I have a support system. I felt the need to stand up for my friends, because they have been fabulous. However I explained to her that I can't ask them to repeatedly hear me cry about issues with my mom. I mean, really, if I were them I'd be like 'get over it already.'
5. I'm also very angry, duh. And more angrier than I thought. I was really saying some negative things about my mom and then I felt bad because I shouldn't be saying bad things about someone who is dead. It was a real eye opener though, because I had no idea how far back my anger went.
6. After that I had a short meeting with a commitee at Einstein's school. They're doing an event very similar to an event I've worked at for the past six years. I was able to offer a lot of helpful insight and it felt so good to feel useful.
7. Then I had to stay for the PTSA meeting because the school group I'm involved in needs to be represented and our Chair couldn't make it and I'm second in command.
8. I spent most of the meeting staring at a new science teacher who caught my eye because I caught him staring at me. He was really cute except for when he kept touching his feet (he was wearing flip flops) and I have foot issues. He had some nice tattoos on his arms and I found myself making stupid jokes so that he would laugh and notice me. How old am I again?
9. Afterwards this other parent, who was annoying, kept butting into a conversation I was having regarding our event (which I need to name here). We were discussing press releases and she kept harping about how she knew someone over at one of our small local papers and I just couldn't help myself. So I casually mentioned 'have you heard of Relay for Life' because seriously who hasn't? And of course the answer was yes. So then I dropped the bomb, 'well it's first year here in Long Beach, I did all their marketing and public relations.' Annoying parent had nothing to say after that. HA! How old am I again?
10. But it did feel good to remind myself that I have done a lot of really good things...and as a volunteer. I have a lot of talents that I have forgotten about. I've spent so much time recently putting myself down and in reality I've accomplished a lot. I came home in good spirits and that felt REALLY good.
1 comment:
I had sucked it up and decided to see a counselor for awhile (until I got laid off). Just having the insight of an impartial party - someone who wasn't a friend or relative - really was eye-opening. I only went for three sessions, but I still use some of the advice I received. I hope you can find a good match because I think it will help you.
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