You can bend but never break me, 'Cause it only serves to make me, More determined to reach my final goal

Only a few days until my fight, panic is definitely settling in. Just a little though. At this point I just want it over. The level of training is exhausting. I'm exhausted. And old.

Everybody talks about it doesn't matter who wins or loses, nobody remembers later who won, yada yada yada, and I know they're right. I've watched three fights at the dojo and I can't tell you who won or lost.

I'm just tired. And I want my life back. One that doesn't involve being at the dojo when I'm not at work. Don't get me wrong I love my muscle tone, but the constant training, always being sore, the u shaped bruise on my ass, it's just too much.

Plus I feel so behind at work. I've been plugging away all day yesterday and today trying hard to catch up. I'm behind in every other area. Poor Beav has had to remind me for the past three days to pick up his prescription and I have yet to remember to do it.

I was hoping to get in a trip home the second weekend of May but then I realized that it's Mother's day and it's probably not recommended that Mother's spend a weekend away from their children, or maybe it is, lol However, I would have a hard time explaining to my siblings why I don't have my children with me.

I do need to get home soon. I've been very homesick. But I'm not sure when I'll have the time. I've planned a weekend away with Beav and Einstein the weekend before Memorial Day (which will mainly involve sun, swimsuits, and water) and then in June I am making another trek to Flagstaff with Einstein and then we leave on our annual week long camping trip.

My summer seems to be getting off to a fun and busy start. I feel a bit energized now that I've been thinking about the fun stuff coming up.

Title taken from Helen Reddy's "I am Woman"

I'm leaving out the part about the bar and the rodeo boys

Yes, it's been almost a month since I've blogged. In my defense I was camping for eight days. EIGHT days, by the way, is too long to live in a trailer with no bathroom doors and two boys and a husband.


We went to Bridgeport, California. A spot that hubby's father and other members of his family travel to every year around the fourth. We've gone in the past, but never consistently and we're looking forward to making it a habit. We spend the week fishing, hiking, and doing day trips. We took the jeep this time and had a blast taking it off road. Unfortunately we didn't catch a lot of fish. Hubby only caught one and Beav caught two. Not a good record considering our fishing successes in the past.


After my mom died I had told my dad that he should come enjoy the week with us. My mom hated camping and I know during the past few years my father hadn't been able to go as often as he would have liked. Not to mention it's a great opportunity for him to enjoy some great quality time with the boys.


Our week at the campground went from Saturday to Saturday. We were scheduled to check out on the 4th and relocate to a hotel in town. My father arrived in town on Thursday afternoon. I drove into town to find him (not difficult to do, one main street). Immediately he needed my phone to call his girlfriend, sigh.


I took him to a great abandoned mine that we had recently learned about. You can only access it with an off road vehicle and it's a great chance to see some beautiful scenery. As expected, he loved it. Later, we hooked up with the rest of the family and grabbed some dinner. He started talking about how we was probably going to leave the next day. I was confused and asked why he would drive for seven hours and stay only twenty-four? My son's told him that he would be missing all the real fun, 4th of July pancake breakfast, parade, etc. His response was that he would have to call his girlfriend and ask if it was ok. SIGH.


He stayed until right after the parade the morning of the 4th and then left. Before he arrived I did a lot of thinking. He is now living down in Southern California, about an hour and half away from me. I don't want us to be distant. I really thought that maybe I could handle the whole girlfriend thing.


I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm 40-years-old. I have seen my father with my mother my entire life. I am just not ready for this. And I'm so freakin' tired of everyone else telling me I'm wrong and how I should feel. And I'm angry that my father leaves me and his grandchildren to spend time with this woman's sons.

And my children were angry too.

Other than the issue with my father it was a great trip and even though I ended up having to drive into town and check into work a couple of times I did get to relax. I had no idea that I was so stressed. I returned to work feeling so relaxed and optimistic. Apparently this whole "vacation" idea is a good one.

Oh yeah, and the fireworks were cool too.