My placeholder topics...time to get to them.
Monday night I had a board meeting and only half showed up. Of the missing half, I probably heard from less than half of them and I was slightly irritated. So when I got home I fired off an email to the entire board on email etiquette. Seriously, respond to my emails. I don't care even if it's to tell me fuck off, at least then I know you got it. I'm sick and tired of hearing about how busy you are. We are all busy. However, when you make a commitment to something, follow it through. I was tired, I had more important things to do then lead a board meeting where half the people don't bother to show up or let me know they can't make it.
I feel better now.
Einstein is graduating in a month and a half. I have this irrational fear he's going to leave home and never come back. This is my baby people. I don't know what I'm going to do without him here. I get sad thinking about it. On one hand, I'm so proud of the man he's becoming. On the other hand he's still that four year old boy with his face painted.
Winning a fight is amazing. Winning a fight against your very best friend really sucks. There is no planet where doing that again would be acceptable. It's even hard to celebrate because my victory means defeat to someone I really care about.
I briefly debated about attending a three day conference Saturday - Monday. On one hand, excellent trainings, lots of opportunities to earn extra units, BUT, this is my first weekend off since my fight and I know that three days of meetings will exhaust me and I am just now recovering from the fight. So, I think it's important to know when to say no, and I'm saying no.
Title from LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out"
Showing posts with label Einstein. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Einstein. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
You can bend but never break me, 'Cause it only serves to make me, More determined to reach my final goal
Only a few days until my fight, panic is definitely settling in. Just a little though. At this point I just want it over. The level of training is exhausting. I'm exhausted. And old.
Everybody talks about it doesn't matter who wins or loses, nobody remembers later who won, yada yada yada, and I know they're right. I've watched three fights at the dojo and I can't tell you who won or lost.
I'm just tired. And I want my life back. One that doesn't involve being at the dojo when I'm not at work. Don't get me wrong I love my muscle tone, but the constant training, always being sore, the u shaped bruise on my ass, it's just too much.
Plus I feel so behind at work. I've been plugging away all day yesterday and today trying hard to catch up. I'm behind in every other area. Poor Beav has had to remind me for the past three days to pick up his prescription and I have yet to remember to do it.
I was hoping to get in a trip home the second weekend of May but then I realized that it's Mother's day and it's probably not recommended that Mother's spend a weekend away from their children, or maybe it is, lol However, I would have a hard time explaining to my siblings why I don't have my children with me.
I do need to get home soon. I've been very homesick. But I'm not sure when I'll have the time. I've planned a weekend away with Beav and Einstein the weekend before Memorial Day (which will mainly involve sun, swimsuits, and water) and then in June I am making another trek to Flagstaff with Einstein and then we leave on our annual week long camping trip.
My summer seems to be getting off to a fun and busy start. I feel a bit energized now that I've been thinking about the fun stuff coming up.
Title taken from Helen Reddy's "I am Woman"
Everybody talks about it doesn't matter who wins or loses, nobody remembers later who won, yada yada yada, and I know they're right. I've watched three fights at the dojo and I can't tell you who won or lost.
I'm just tired. And I want my life back. One that doesn't involve being at the dojo when I'm not at work. Don't get me wrong I love my muscle tone, but the constant training, always being sore, the u shaped bruise on my ass, it's just too much.
Plus I feel so behind at work. I've been plugging away all day yesterday and today trying hard to catch up. I'm behind in every other area. Poor Beav has had to remind me for the past three days to pick up his prescription and I have yet to remember to do it.
I was hoping to get in a trip home the second weekend of May but then I realized that it's Mother's day and it's probably not recommended that Mother's spend a weekend away from their children, or maybe it is, lol However, I would have a hard time explaining to my siblings why I don't have my children with me.
I do need to get home soon. I've been very homesick. But I'm not sure when I'll have the time. I've planned a weekend away with Beav and Einstein the weekend before Memorial Day (which will mainly involve sun, swimsuits, and water) and then in June I am making another trek to Flagstaff with Einstein and then we leave on our annual week long camping trip.
My summer seems to be getting off to a fun and busy start. I feel a bit energized now that I've been thinking about the fun stuff coming up.
Title taken from Helen Reddy's "I am Woman"
Saturday, April 17, 2010
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell. How I Wish I Could Save My Soul. I'm So Cold From Fear
Today was a day of disappointment. But then, the whole week was that way.
Sparring this morning, one word, UGH. I just feel completely incompetent. I feel like everyone is so much better than I am. Tomorrow is my last day of sparring before the fight and panic exists below the surface, every minute. Not to mention, total rookie move, sparring, moving backwards and I slammed into the mirrored wall. Currently I feel like I was hit by a truck. Someone, remind me why I'm doing this again?
Then the mail arrived. Einstein found out he didn't get his ROTC scholarship. Beaver received a collection notice from the library for four library books that he didn't turn in and were due in February. Again, panic at the college situation. Where am I going to find an extra $15,000 a year? Drove Beav to the library, he turned in his books and I paid the $42 fine which is added to the $64 debt he already owes me because of lunch loans.
I got in the car to head off to run some errands and you know I just wanted to sit in there and cry. But I didn't. Sometimes I wish I could just let go that way and let it all out and do that with someone close to comfort me. But that's not my style. I'm unable to do that. It's just a form of vulnerability that I'm unwilling to let anyone see.
In some way I feel I'm being punished for being a bad person. As if God is throwing all this crap at me because I'm not a good person. So then I drive around and run my errands and think about everything in my life and what God might be disapproving of and that just makes me feel worse.
And I recognize that I'm tired. I'm stretched a little too thin and that makes me more emotional than normal. I'm trying to find a balance between not second guessing my feelings and not over-reacting. That's easier said than done.
Title taken from James Blunt's "Tears and Rain"
Sparring this morning, one word, UGH. I just feel completely incompetent. I feel like everyone is so much better than I am. Tomorrow is my last day of sparring before the fight and panic exists below the surface, every minute. Not to mention, total rookie move, sparring, moving backwards and I slammed into the mirrored wall. Currently I feel like I was hit by a truck. Someone, remind me why I'm doing this again?
Then the mail arrived. Einstein found out he didn't get his ROTC scholarship. Beaver received a collection notice from the library for four library books that he didn't turn in and were due in February. Again, panic at the college situation. Where am I going to find an extra $15,000 a year? Drove Beav to the library, he turned in his books and I paid the $42 fine which is added to the $64 debt he already owes me because of lunch loans.
I got in the car to head off to run some errands and you know I just wanted to sit in there and cry. But I didn't. Sometimes I wish I could just let go that way and let it all out and do that with someone close to comfort me. But that's not my style. I'm unable to do that. It's just a form of vulnerability that I'm unwilling to let anyone see.
In some way I feel I'm being punished for being a bad person. As if God is throwing all this crap at me because I'm not a good person. So then I drive around and run my errands and think about everything in my life and what God might be disapproving of and that just makes me feel worse.
And I recognize that I'm tired. I'm stretched a little too thin and that makes me more emotional than normal. I'm trying to find a balance between not second guessing my feelings and not over-reacting. That's easier said than done.
Title taken from James Blunt's "Tears and Rain"
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Thursday Ten
I've done Thursday Ten before which I copied from Sarah, who is a cool chick and said it was ok. Thought I would try it again.
1. Wow this post got me four comments, woohoo! That's a lot for me. Nice to know what I said actually touched a cord with some people. I will have to post more on that subject and how messed up I am in my relationship with God.
2. My children are expensive. This week alone I have paid for - $300 registration fee for Einstein at NAU, $220 flight to Flagstaff to visit NAU, $953 - PARTIAL PAYMENT for Beav's eighth grade trip to DC, $100 deposit for Einstein's class ring, announcements, cap/gown.
3. I am thankful that I can afford to do the things above. Truly thankful. My parent's didn't even encourage me to go to college and I'm so unbelievably proud of Einstein. And I've never been to DC or New York and both my kids will have been there.
4. My ex husband is meeting me in Arizona and we're driving together to Flagstaff to visit the school and attend orientation. It's cool that we can do things like that. A little weird, but cool. I know a lot of divorced couples who could never handle it. His dad really, I think, wanted him to attend school in state but I think Einstein is ready to get a little distance from home.
5. I'm a total type A personality. Lists for everything, everything has a place....yet Beav is a complete and total slob. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything. He just can't keep his things together or tidy. I'm torn between just accepting that is who he is and determined to get him to clean up a bit.
6. I have not worked out all week because of this STUPID cold. Spoke to my trainer yesterday, well tried to anyway with a very squeaky voice. He kept telling me that my phone was cutting out, "that's not my phone, that's my voice." He then told me to stay away from the dojo until I was better. That place, when it gets all steamy and sweaty inside, is like a bathhouse for germs. If nothing I'll be there tomorrow for my private. He's good at creating workouts around whatever is going on with me.
7. I'm happy to be back in school, however, not happy I have a statistics quiz today. That stuff is hard, especially right now because it's all about definitions and terms and I have this stupid cold and my head hurts all the time. Our teacher is swedish, I think, and half of what she says is difficult to understand. Half the time I look around at the younger students and think to myself "did she really wear that to school/when did I turn into my mother?" One day last week over half the class were wearing flannel shirts. Talk about a trend.
8. I have no plans for the weekend ahead. Woohoo. Was thinking of buying tickets for the rodeo but with hubby feeling sick not sure he'll be up to it. Bull riding is not one of my favorite rodeo sports, I prefer bronco busting, but I'll take what I can get.
9. Speaking of hubby being sick, I'm a total loser. I was really out of it for two days, hubby had to do pretty much everything. Now that he is sick I totally lack empathy. It's something I seriously need to change about myself. I have no patience for illness. His cold has turbo-charged his snoring so the lack of sleep for the past two nights isn't helping me at all. I need to pray for patience.
10. Looked through some of my past posts and wow have some things seriously changed in my life and I have to say, mostly for the good. Yay me! I also need to clean up my layout. I'm totally not a mommy blogger..some of those gals are kinda mean to each other. I'm happy over here in my little blog world with my four commenters.
Have a great day.
1. Wow this post got me four comments, woohoo! That's a lot for me. Nice to know what I said actually touched a cord with some people. I will have to post more on that subject and how messed up I am in my relationship with God.
2. My children are expensive. This week alone I have paid for - $300 registration fee for Einstein at NAU, $220 flight to Flagstaff to visit NAU, $953 - PARTIAL PAYMENT for Beav's eighth grade trip to DC, $100 deposit for Einstein's class ring, announcements, cap/gown.
3. I am thankful that I can afford to do the things above. Truly thankful. My parent's didn't even encourage me to go to college and I'm so unbelievably proud of Einstein. And I've never been to DC or New York and both my kids will have been there.
4. My ex husband is meeting me in Arizona and we're driving together to Flagstaff to visit the school and attend orientation. It's cool that we can do things like that. A little weird, but cool. I know a lot of divorced couples who could never handle it. His dad really, I think, wanted him to attend school in state but I think Einstein is ready to get a little distance from home.
5. I'm a total type A personality. Lists for everything, everything has a place....yet Beav is a complete and total slob. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything. He just can't keep his things together or tidy. I'm torn between just accepting that is who he is and determined to get him to clean up a bit.
6. I have not worked out all week because of this STUPID cold. Spoke to my trainer yesterday, well tried to anyway with a very squeaky voice. He kept telling me that my phone was cutting out, "that's not my phone, that's my voice." He then told me to stay away from the dojo until I was better. That place, when it gets all steamy and sweaty inside, is like a bathhouse for germs. If nothing I'll be there tomorrow for my private. He's good at creating workouts around whatever is going on with me.
7. I'm happy to be back in school, however, not happy I have a statistics quiz today. That stuff is hard, especially right now because it's all about definitions and terms and I have this stupid cold and my head hurts all the time. Our teacher is swedish, I think, and half of what she says is difficult to understand. Half the time I look around at the younger students and think to myself "did she really wear that to school/when did I turn into my mother?" One day last week over half the class were wearing flannel shirts. Talk about a trend.
8. I have no plans for the weekend ahead. Woohoo. Was thinking of buying tickets for the rodeo but with hubby feeling sick not sure he'll be up to it. Bull riding is not one of my favorite rodeo sports, I prefer bronco busting, but I'll take what I can get.
9. Speaking of hubby being sick, I'm a total loser. I was really out of it for two days, hubby had to do pretty much everything. Now that he is sick I totally lack empathy. It's something I seriously need to change about myself. I have no patience for illness. His cold has turbo-charged his snoring so the lack of sleep for the past two nights isn't helping me at all. I need to pray for patience.
10. Looked through some of my past posts and wow have some things seriously changed in my life and I have to say, mostly for the good. Yay me! I also need to clean up my layout. I'm totally not a mommy blogger..some of those gals are kinda mean to each other. I'm happy over here in my little blog world with my four commenters.
Have a great day.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Viewer discretion is advised
I've been twittering today about some stuff going on at work. I can't go into details about it....yet.
The best place to start is at the beginning. Yesterday.
Yesterday was a crazy day. Wednesdays are when I see the shrink. I normally have to rush out of work and drive directly to the shrink's office. It takes me fifteen minutes so I literally get there right at the start of the appointment. It was a good appointment. We talked about several issues - my job interviews, the issue with Beav, issues with hubby, and of course my father who has obviously lost his mind. She thinks that I'm doing well, under the circumstances, and applauded my reactions and handling of all the things going on.
After that I had to rush home because at 6:30 I was leading the parent meeting at Einstein's school. Normally the chair leads the meeting but she couldn't be there so I was stepping in. I rushed home, showered, rushed back out. The secretary of the board is currently pissed at me. Would you like to know why? Of course you would.
After our board meeting last week, which was on Monday night, she asked me to email her a list of the agenda items for the meeting we had last night. I advised her that I would do so. The next evening she emailed me again and reminded me that she needed the list. It had been TWENTY-FOUR HOURS!!!! So I responded politely, via my blackberry, that as soon as I had a chance to sit down at my laptop I would do so. Wednesday afternoon I received another email, this time copied to the chair, reminding me once again that she needed the items. Ok, now I'm annoyed. So I email her back and tell her that while I appreciate her diligence I felt that emailing me three times in a 48 hour period was a bit extreme. She responded by telling me she would never "bother you again." Seriously, how flippin' old are you?
So last night I'm at the meeting and I have to ask her for some stuff and she comes off as a total biotch. I mean come on, seriously, grow up!!!!
I start the meeting, hand it off to one of the teachers to make announcements and my phone rings. "private number" I don't answer because well, I'm suppose to be leading a meeting. It goes to voice mail. And then I get a text message from hubby. He tells me that the head physician at my office is trying to get ahold of me. (Sidenote - physician is also reserve pd and my husband use to be in charge of the reserves so they know each other).
I start to freak out and since the meeting is in good hands with the current speaker I sneak out to return the call.
...to be continued.
The best place to start is at the beginning. Yesterday.
Yesterday was a crazy day. Wednesdays are when I see the shrink. I normally have to rush out of work and drive directly to the shrink's office. It takes me fifteen minutes so I literally get there right at the start of the appointment. It was a good appointment. We talked about several issues - my job interviews, the issue with Beav, issues with hubby, and of course my father who has obviously lost his mind. She thinks that I'm doing well, under the circumstances, and applauded my reactions and handling of all the things going on.
After that I had to rush home because at 6:30 I was leading the parent meeting at Einstein's school. Normally the chair leads the meeting but she couldn't be there so I was stepping in. I rushed home, showered, rushed back out. The secretary of the board is currently pissed at me. Would you like to know why? Of course you would.
After our board meeting last week, which was on Monday night, she asked me to email her a list of the agenda items for the meeting we had last night. I advised her that I would do so. The next evening she emailed me again and reminded me that she needed the list. It had been TWENTY-FOUR HOURS!!!! So I responded politely, via my blackberry, that as soon as I had a chance to sit down at my laptop I would do so. Wednesday afternoon I received another email, this time copied to the chair, reminding me once again that she needed the items. Ok, now I'm annoyed. So I email her back and tell her that while I appreciate her diligence I felt that emailing me three times in a 48 hour period was a bit extreme. She responded by telling me she would never "bother you again." Seriously, how flippin' old are you?
So last night I'm at the meeting and I have to ask her for some stuff and she comes off as a total biotch. I mean come on, seriously, grow up!!!!
I start the meeting, hand it off to one of the teachers to make announcements and my phone rings. "private number" I don't answer because well, I'm suppose to be leading a meeting. It goes to voice mail. And then I get a text message from hubby. He tells me that the head physician at my office is trying to get ahold of me. (Sidenote - physician is also reserve pd and my husband use to be in charge of the reserves so they know each other).
I start to freak out and since the meeting is in good hands with the current speaker I sneak out to return the call.
...to be continued.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
A New Face Every Day
I finished one of my grief books today "I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye." Excellent book. So helpful in terms of knowing that I really am not losing my mind. This book also asserts that while there are different grief phases, nobody goes through them the same way and it's normal to not go through them as listed.
I keep hearing, "after a year you'll feel better." I found myself looking forward to this magical year mark. Would something switch inside of me? Would my heart be magically healed? It's simply not possible. A little over a year from now when Einstein graduates from high school my tears will be of joy and of sadness that my mom isn't here to see it. The first time my son is in uniform, I will cry again that my mom isn't here to see it. That was a huge connection for her, my son's love of the military and my grandfather's military service. Einstein received my grandfather's uniform, pins, and paperwork. I knew she would have wanted him to have it.
I interviewed today with an agency who has me going in for an interview with a family practice group tomorrow. I've researched the group and on paper, I really like them. They seem to be very community based and even though that's not my community, that kind of thinking follows my personal philosophies. Anyways, I was joking with Beav that it would be cool if I got the job because then that could be his doctor because my mom worked for my doctor when I was his age. That made me cry. It was a happy memory (except for when the doctor I saw for birth control sent my records over there).
Anyway, there are three of us interviewing for the position and the other two are bilingual and I'm not. They prefer someone bilingual but have told the agency that if the non bilingual candidate is the strongest they will go with that person. On the plus side I have billed for some of their speciality items that they do AND I have used their billing software.
It's been awhile since I've worked a regular 40 hour work week but it would be nice to be somewhere where I "belong." I always feel temporary where I'm at now. Not only that but they want to eventually promote the person that they hire. And there could possibly be a bonus for cleaning up some of the aging, which is a speciality of mine.
Who knows what will happen? All I can do is cover up the tats and do my best to impress the heck out of them.
In the meantime I leave you with this:
"You don't get over it
you just get through it
you don't get by it
because you can't get around it
it doesn't "get better"
it just gets different
every day...
grief puts on a new face"
I keep hearing, "after a year you'll feel better." I found myself looking forward to this magical year mark. Would something switch inside of me? Would my heart be magically healed? It's simply not possible. A little over a year from now when Einstein graduates from high school my tears will be of joy and of sadness that my mom isn't here to see it. The first time my son is in uniform, I will cry again that my mom isn't here to see it. That was a huge connection for her, my son's love of the military and my grandfather's military service. Einstein received my grandfather's uniform, pins, and paperwork. I knew she would have wanted him to have it.
I interviewed today with an agency who has me going in for an interview with a family practice group tomorrow. I've researched the group and on paper, I really like them. They seem to be very community based and even though that's not my community, that kind of thinking follows my personal philosophies. Anyways, I was joking with Beav that it would be cool if I got the job because then that could be his doctor because my mom worked for my doctor when I was his age. That made me cry. It was a happy memory (except for when the doctor I saw for birth control sent my records over there).
Anyway, there are three of us interviewing for the position and the other two are bilingual and I'm not. They prefer someone bilingual but have told the agency that if the non bilingual candidate is the strongest they will go with that person. On the plus side I have billed for some of their speciality items that they do AND I have used their billing software.
It's been awhile since I've worked a regular 40 hour work week but it would be nice to be somewhere where I "belong." I always feel temporary where I'm at now. Not only that but they want to eventually promote the person that they hire. And there could possibly be a bonus for cleaning up some of the aging, which is a speciality of mine.
Who knows what will happen? All I can do is cover up the tats and do my best to impress the heck out of them.
In the meantime I leave you with this:
"You don't get over it
you just get through it
you don't get by it
because you can't get around it
it doesn't "get better"
it just gets different
every day...
grief puts on a new face"
Sunday, February 15, 2009
These Wounds are Self Inflicted
I haven't posted in...forever. Well except for my rant yesterday but I just had to get that off my chest.
I always make the mistake of posting after I've caught up on reading the fifty gazillion blogs I follow. All blogs written by amazing witty women...and then I feel so completely inadequate. But, I persist. If only to get shit out of my head, which sometimes makes me feel better. A big goal of mine is to blog consistently, it's just tough. I'm one of those people who THRIVE on routine. Call it boring, but doing the same thing every day at the same time, I LOVE IT. Spontaneity is not one of my strong suits. Lately though, it's been hard to maintain some type of schedule. Things keep coming up that mess up my carefully orchestrated blackberry induced schedule. It really drives me nuts. I'm hoping that during the three day weekend (one day of which is already gone) I can catch up on some stuff and actually work ahead in school so that I can handle life's little surprises better.
In the meantime, here's the scoop:
VDay: I hope everyone had a nice one. I know that many of you are totally anti VDay and I feel your pain. I'm a complete unromantic. However, hubby is not. He made plans to see this, the Hooray for Hollywood show, or as I like to call it the Horror of Hollywood show because it was the WORST DINNER THEATER EVER. The only good thing about it was the food, which was shocking because I was totally expecting rubber chicken. It was so bad, campy bad. Hubby felt bad but it wasn't as if we had a horrible time, so the night wasn't a bomb. I decided to go with the anti -valentine look and didn't dress all romantic. Leopard print slinky dress, fishnets, bright red patent leather heels, and kick ass jewelry. My charm bracelet had red hearts, daggers, guns, and meat cleavers. I'm just romantic about weapons. Hubby also sent me a pajama gram which was sweet and took my mom's watch in to have it cleaned up. All in all, it was a nice day.
Notice the black nails and the blood on the dagger, hehehe.
Beav: Beav and Einstein left to see their dad on Friday night. I received a text from him after we said goodbye letting me know that he had raised all his grades and no longer had any D's or F's. This is a very big deal and I'm so proud of him. You know what, I need to tell him that. Hold on, I'm going to text him right now. Ok, done. He has been working very hard and I've been nagging him like crazy. I just hope that he keeps it up.
Work: If anyone read my twitters Friday they could tell work was not going well. My boss held an employee staff meeting on Thursday afternoons. I don't work Thursday afternoons so never mind that she should have discussed things with me privately. I get to work Friday morning to find out everyone is getting their hours cut. I have to wait two hours for her to get there because she doesn't come in until 10am. She wouldn't even look at me directly when I asked her about it. This is basically how the conversation went:
Me - "Um, so what happened yesterday because I'm hearing all kinds of crazy stuff"
Peg Bundy (because seriously this woman so ways too much wrinkly cleavage) - "Well, with the issues we're having having with Medicare we need to make some cuts, but just temporary. Everyone has been asked to work four hours less a week."
Me - "I already only work part time and now you want me to give up four more hours a week?"
Peg Bundy-"Well, you work about 64 hours a pay period so if you could do 60, that would be good, just come in an hour late or leave an hour early every day (I love how she makes it sound like she's doing me a favor. Also, if I do that then I'm giving up four hours a week, not four hours a payday. Friday's don't count, those are four hour days anyway).
Me - "Yeah, I don't think I can do that."
Peg Bundy- "Well, if you could just try."
TRY? Try to make less when I have a kid in private school. And yes, I know that's a choice, but it's the right choice for Beav.
So, I'm outta there. Which sucks because it's hard to find good paying part time jobs in my profession. And the full time jobs aren't paying what I make, but I'll still make more money if I go full time somewhere else. So, I won't be able to go to school and I will have to work full time. None of this good. I'm really trying to stay positive but it's tough.
Kickboxing - This is my last free Sunday until my fight. Starting next weekend I spar on Saturdays and Sundays to better prepare myself for an ass kicking (not sure whose ass, mine or someone elses). The upside of this is that I will be better prepared and it also will really speed up my weight loss and toning. Sparring burns up to about 3000 calories. The downside is that I'm so wiped out after Saturday sparring and it normally takes me until Monday to feel all normal again. Now I won't have any down time. However it is super necessary and I'm ready for the challenge. I have noticed a huge improvement in my confidence and skills. Other's have noticed it too and commented on it, so that's really nice. Just a few months ago I never thought I'd feel the way I feel now. Don't get me wrong, I still have a LONG ways to go. I can't seem to block a round kick to my head for the life of me which is why I'm an inside fighter. I'm often shorter than most of the people I spar with so my range is less than theirs. I like to stay inside. I have found that a lot of people are uncomfortable with that and just shut down as soon as you do that. Some get mad and I've been knocked around a bit, but it's my style and there's nothing wrong with it. Yesterday I got in a great cross to someone's jaw and OMG it felt so good. I think he was surprised also and gave me props for it. Of course he paid me back with a knee to my stomach so that wasn't fun, but alls well that ends well.
School - So I took the easy route this semester to get myself back into the swing of things. Mostly business classes, almost all online. I started two last week and two more start in March. My business communications professor is completely whack. How can you be a department chair of a business department and be so completely disorganized? Seriously. Plus, in every online class I've ever taken my tests have been online. Normally timed, to prevent massive cheating. Nope, in her class it's scantron and I have to have the tests there by noon on the due date, which is twice a week. The main reason people take online classes is because they work during the day. HELLO??? So, the only other option is to mail the tests. However to be sure they get there in time I need to mail them super early which means I'm going to have to work ahead. I'm already so frustrated by the whole process.
BTW..do you know blogger doesn't recognize the word scantron? Sigh.
I always make the mistake of posting after I've caught up on reading the fifty gazillion blogs I follow. All blogs written by amazing witty women...and then I feel so completely inadequate. But, I persist. If only to get shit out of my head, which sometimes makes me feel better. A big goal of mine is to blog consistently, it's just tough. I'm one of those people who THRIVE on routine. Call it boring, but doing the same thing every day at the same time, I LOVE IT. Spontaneity is not one of my strong suits. Lately though, it's been hard to maintain some type of schedule. Things keep coming up that mess up my carefully orchestrated blackberry induced schedule. It really drives me nuts. I'm hoping that during the three day weekend (one day of which is already gone) I can catch up on some stuff and actually work ahead in school so that I can handle life's little surprises better.
In the meantime, here's the scoop:
VDay: I hope everyone had a nice one. I know that many of you are totally anti VDay and I feel your pain. I'm a complete unromantic. However, hubby is not. He made plans to see this, the Hooray for Hollywood show, or as I like to call it the Horror of Hollywood show because it was the WORST DINNER THEATER EVER. The only good thing about it was the food, which was shocking because I was totally expecting rubber chicken. It was so bad, campy bad. Hubby felt bad but it wasn't as if we had a horrible time, so the night wasn't a bomb. I decided to go with the anti -valentine look and didn't dress all romantic. Leopard print slinky dress, fishnets, bright red patent leather heels, and kick ass jewelry. My charm bracelet had red hearts, daggers, guns, and meat cleavers. I'm just romantic about weapons. Hubby also sent me a pajama gram which was sweet and took my mom's watch in to have it cleaned up. All in all, it was a nice day.
Notice the black nails and the blood on the dagger, hehehe.Beav: Beav and Einstein left to see their dad on Friday night. I received a text from him after we said goodbye letting me know that he had raised all his grades and no longer had any D's or F's. This is a very big deal and I'm so proud of him. You know what, I need to tell him that. Hold on, I'm going to text him right now. Ok, done. He has been working very hard and I've been nagging him like crazy. I just hope that he keeps it up.
Work: If anyone read my twitters Friday they could tell work was not going well. My boss held an employee staff meeting on Thursday afternoons. I don't work Thursday afternoons so never mind that she should have discussed things with me privately. I get to work Friday morning to find out everyone is getting their hours cut. I have to wait two hours for her to get there because she doesn't come in until 10am. She wouldn't even look at me directly when I asked her about it. This is basically how the conversation went:
Me - "Um, so what happened yesterday because I'm hearing all kinds of crazy stuff"
Peg Bundy (because seriously this woman so ways too much wrinkly cleavage) - "Well, with the issues we're having having with Medicare we need to make some cuts, but just temporary. Everyone has been asked to work four hours less a week."
Me - "I already only work part time and now you want me to give up four more hours a week?"
Peg Bundy-"Well, you work about 64 hours a pay period so if you could do 60, that would be good, just come in an hour late or leave an hour early every day (I love how she makes it sound like she's doing me a favor. Also, if I do that then I'm giving up four hours a week, not four hours a payday. Friday's don't count, those are four hour days anyway).
Me - "Yeah, I don't think I can do that."
Peg Bundy- "Well, if you could just try."
TRY? Try to make less when I have a kid in private school. And yes, I know that's a choice, but it's the right choice for Beav.
So, I'm outta there. Which sucks because it's hard to find good paying part time jobs in my profession. And the full time jobs aren't paying what I make, but I'll still make more money if I go full time somewhere else. So, I won't be able to go to school and I will have to work full time. None of this good. I'm really trying to stay positive but it's tough.
Kickboxing - This is my last free Sunday until my fight. Starting next weekend I spar on Saturdays and Sundays to better prepare myself for an ass kicking (not sure whose ass, mine or someone elses). The upside of this is that I will be better prepared and it also will really speed up my weight loss and toning. Sparring burns up to about 3000 calories. The downside is that I'm so wiped out after Saturday sparring and it normally takes me until Monday to feel all normal again. Now I won't have any down time. However it is super necessary and I'm ready for the challenge. I have noticed a huge improvement in my confidence and skills. Other's have noticed it too and commented on it, so that's really nice. Just a few months ago I never thought I'd feel the way I feel now. Don't get me wrong, I still have a LONG ways to go. I can't seem to block a round kick to my head for the life of me which is why I'm an inside fighter. I'm often shorter than most of the people I spar with so my range is less than theirs. I like to stay inside. I have found that a lot of people are uncomfortable with that and just shut down as soon as you do that. Some get mad and I've been knocked around a bit, but it's my style and there's nothing wrong with it. Yesterday I got in a great cross to someone's jaw and OMG it felt so good. I think he was surprised also and gave me props for it. Of course he paid me back with a knee to my stomach so that wasn't fun, but alls well that ends well.
School - So I took the easy route this semester to get myself back into the swing of things. Mostly business classes, almost all online. I started two last week and two more start in March. My business communications professor is completely whack. How can you be a department chair of a business department and be so completely disorganized? Seriously. Plus, in every online class I've ever taken my tests have been online. Normally timed, to prevent massive cheating. Nope, in her class it's scantron and I have to have the tests there by noon on the due date, which is twice a week. The main reason people take online classes is because they work during the day. HELLO??? So, the only other option is to mail the tests. However to be sure they get there in time I need to mail them super early which means I'm going to have to work ahead. I'm already so frustrated by the whole process.
BTW..do you know blogger doesn't recognize the word scantron? Sigh.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Thursday Ten, The oral and anal edition
I spend a lot of time on the internet. Between the blackberry and the laptop....I spend most of my day on the internet....twittering, reading blogs, email, the list is endless. There is no denying that I LOVE technology. However, I don't understand how it works and I don't feel I need to understand how it works. All I know is that if I push the little button under the word Dell on my laptop, it should come on. And that little 'e' at the bottom, if I hit that it takes me to the internet. If none of those things work, I get a little crazy.
Last night Einstein came to me and started going on about servers and his xbox and his friends and he wants to buy a server, yada, yada, yada. I believe my eyes started glazing over at the first mention of server. I finally told him to cut to the chase and he explained that he and his friends would pay for the server but they needed a credit card. Nice to know I'm useful. So, I gave him my credit card and asked when the server would arrive. Hey, I like to mess with the kid's head.
So, after all that technology talk I thought that for today's Thursday Ten I'd share some of my favorite URL's with you.
1. I love to cook and I utilize two website a lot for recipes. Of course, food network is one of them. Initially I shied away from this site because some of the recipes were confusing and complicated. However,either I've improved or the recipes have gotten easier. When I'm having a party or trying to work a theme meal it's a great resource.
2. The other site is allrecipes.com. I like this site so much that I even buy their cookbooks. One of my favorite features of this site is that let's say you have a pantry full of spam, you can do a search based on ingredients. Spam all week long! (I actually hate Spam and I do not endorse it's use).
3. I love to shop online, mostly because I don't like the mall very much. If you have a need to increase the size of your jewelry box ex-boyfriend jewelry is a great place to go. This site gives people the chance to sell those unwanted pieces of jewelry that were gifted to them by, well you guessed it, exboyfriends. Seriously, there is some nice jewelry on here and the stories are great!
4. I love to read and recently some of my friends turned me onto the goodread site. This site allows you to list the books you've read, make reviews, and recommend them to others. It also gives you the option to offer the book up for swap or sell. You can also list the books that you plan to read, connect with others, and get recommendations.
5. As much as I love to read I HATE paying for books. I recommend using your library (insert the url for your library here). I love our library website. I can go to the website, search for a book (usually one that's been recommended on goodread), request the book, and have it sent to my local branch. And then, and this is the best part, the library calls me and tells me the book is waiting for me. HOW COOL IS THAT? I'm shocked at how many Long Beach residents I talk to that have no idea that you can do this. Of course, there can be drawbacks. Recently I requested the new Michael Connelly book and I'm 91st in the queue.
6. If you are involved anything where document sharing is necessary and you aren't using google docs, you're a fool. Google docs allows you to upload files, (word documents, spreadsheets) and then share them with others. No more emailing spreadsheets back and forth. You just upload the file, share it with those that you want to have it and you can control what they do, edit, etc. It's a huge timesaver. The best part is that you're not wasting any of your memory on file.
7. I read a lot of blogs. For a lot of different reasons. Although I must admit most of them just remind me of my failings as a blogger. I do learn interesting things though. For example, do you know that the richer the man...the better your orgasm? Yep, that I learned from sex secrets. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'but Diva, I thought you were the sexpert.' I hate to disappoint you folks, but I've just been faking it. (the expertness not the orgasms) Seriously though, this is a great site. During my parties the women seem to respond well to fun facts about sex and this is where I get them. Questions about anal sex, oral sex, positions? This is the place to find the answers.
8. Almost all the blogs I read are awesome, but there are two that when I see that little feed light up, I light up. One makes me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants. I would give my firstborn to have even a smidgen of her wittiness. That would be the bloggess. And if you don't follow her on twitter well then you've missed today's lesson in fisting. Seriously this woman can make a post with one long run-on sentence. I find myself reading them out loud to my husband and even he starts to laugh.
9. The other is only updated once a week and I wait for it anxiously every Sunday. That would be postsecret. Some of the secrets make me tear up and some make me laugh, and some touch my heart. I'm often tempted to send in one myself. If you have a chance check out the ones from this week, I think you'll figure out my favorite right away.
10. Ok, one more blog, although I don't think of it as a blog. If you don't have LOTD on your feed, you're missing out. Great videos. lists, and other fun things that will remind you that there are those out there who are more stupid than you are (and I mean that in a nice way).
That's it folks. Have fun and remember surf often and surf safely.
Last night Einstein came to me and started going on about servers and his xbox and his friends and he wants to buy a server, yada, yada, yada. I believe my eyes started glazing over at the first mention of server. I finally told him to cut to the chase and he explained that he and his friends would pay for the server but they needed a credit card. Nice to know I'm useful. So, I gave him my credit card and asked when the server would arrive. Hey, I like to mess with the kid's head.
So, after all that technology talk I thought that for today's Thursday Ten I'd share some of my favorite URL's with you.
1. I love to cook and I utilize two website a lot for recipes. Of course, food network is one of them. Initially I shied away from this site because some of the recipes were confusing and complicated. However,either I've improved or the recipes have gotten easier. When I'm having a party or trying to work a theme meal it's a great resource.
2. The other site is allrecipes.com. I like this site so much that I even buy their cookbooks. One of my favorite features of this site is that let's say you have a pantry full of spam, you can do a search based on ingredients. Spam all week long! (I actually hate Spam and I do not endorse it's use).
3. I love to shop online, mostly because I don't like the mall very much. If you have a need to increase the size of your jewelry box ex-boyfriend jewelry is a great place to go. This site gives people the chance to sell those unwanted pieces of jewelry that were gifted to them by, well you guessed it, exboyfriends. Seriously, there is some nice jewelry on here and the stories are great!
4. I love to read and recently some of my friends turned me onto the goodread site. This site allows you to list the books you've read, make reviews, and recommend them to others. It also gives you the option to offer the book up for swap or sell. You can also list the books that you plan to read, connect with others, and get recommendations.
5. As much as I love to read I HATE paying for books. I recommend using your library (insert the url for your library here). I love our library website. I can go to the website, search for a book (usually one that's been recommended on goodread), request the book, and have it sent to my local branch. And then, and this is the best part, the library calls me and tells me the book is waiting for me. HOW COOL IS THAT? I'm shocked at how many Long Beach residents I talk to that have no idea that you can do this. Of course, there can be drawbacks. Recently I requested the new Michael Connelly book and I'm 91st in the queue.
6. If you are involved anything where document sharing is necessary and you aren't using google docs, you're a fool. Google docs allows you to upload files, (word documents, spreadsheets) and then share them with others. No more emailing spreadsheets back and forth. You just upload the file, share it with those that you want to have it and you can control what they do, edit, etc. It's a huge timesaver. The best part is that you're not wasting any of your memory on file.
7. I read a lot of blogs. For a lot of different reasons. Although I must admit most of them just remind me of my failings as a blogger. I do learn interesting things though. For example, do you know that the richer the man...the better your orgasm? Yep, that I learned from sex secrets. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'but Diva, I thought you were the sexpert.' I hate to disappoint you folks, but I've just been faking it. (the expertness not the orgasms) Seriously though, this is a great site. During my parties the women seem to respond well to fun facts about sex and this is where I get them. Questions about anal sex, oral sex, positions? This is the place to find the answers.
8. Almost all the blogs I read are awesome, but there are two that when I see that little feed light up, I light up. One makes me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants. I would give my firstborn to have even a smidgen of her wittiness. That would be the bloggess. And if you don't follow her on twitter well then you've missed today's lesson in fisting. Seriously this woman can make a post with one long run-on sentence. I find myself reading them out loud to my husband and even he starts to laugh.
9. The other is only updated once a week and I wait for it anxiously every Sunday. That would be postsecret. Some of the secrets make me tear up and some make me laugh, and some touch my heart. I'm often tempted to send in one myself. If you have a chance check out the ones from this week, I think you'll figure out my favorite right away.
10. Ok, one more blog, although I don't think of it as a blog. If you don't have LOTD on your feed, you're missing out. Great videos. lists, and other fun things that will remind you that there are those out there who are more stupid than you are (and I mean that in a nice way).
That's it folks. Have fun and remember surf often and surf safely.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Thursday Ten, The Science Edition
1. I'm officially in therapy, ugh. Seriously, she looked like she was twelve. I'm not entirely sure I'm going to stick with her but I committed to going back next week. If I don't stick with her I will go with one of the other referrals I got today.
2. She thinks that part of my problem is that I'm just exhausted because I don't sleep well and consequently I don't rest. She has asked me to see a psychiatrist to try a different sleeping aid since the Ambien hasn't been helpful.
3. She also asked me how I felt about antidepressants and I nixed that idea. I do believe that antidepressants can be helpful but my depression is situational. And I know that what I'm going through, I need to deal with. Masking my symptoms isn't going to help.
4. Apparently I've also put myself in a position where I'm extremely uncomfortable really opening up to others. She doesn't think I have a support system. I felt the need to stand up for my friends, because they have been fabulous. However I explained to her that I can't ask them to repeatedly hear me cry about issues with my mom. I mean, really, if I were them I'd be like 'get over it already.'
5. I'm also very angry, duh. And more angrier than I thought. I was really saying some negative things about my mom and then I felt bad because I shouldn't be saying bad things about someone who is dead. It was a real eye opener though, because I had no idea how far back my anger went.
6. After that I had a short meeting with a commitee at Einstein's school. They're doing an event very similar to an event I've worked at for the past six years. I was able to offer a lot of helpful insight and it felt so good to feel useful.
7. Then I had to stay for the PTSA meeting because the school group I'm involved in needs to be represented and our Chair couldn't make it and I'm second in command.
8. I spent most of the meeting staring at a new science teacher who caught my eye because I caught him staring at me. He was really cute except for when he kept touching his feet (he was wearing flip flops) and I have foot issues. He had some nice tattoos on his arms and I found myself making stupid jokes so that he would laugh and notice me. How old am I again?
9. Afterwards this other parent, who was annoying, kept butting into a conversation I was having regarding our event (which I need to name here). We were discussing press releases and she kept harping about how she knew someone over at one of our small local papers and I just couldn't help myself. So I casually mentioned 'have you heard of Relay for Life' because seriously who hasn't? And of course the answer was yes. So then I dropped the bomb, 'well it's first year here in Long Beach, I did all their marketing and public relations.' Annoying parent had nothing to say after that. HA! How old am I again?
10. But it did feel good to remind myself that I have done a lot of really good things...and as a volunteer. I have a lot of talents that I have forgotten about. I've spent so much time recently putting myself down and in reality I've accomplished a lot. I came home in good spirits and that felt REALLY good.
2. She thinks that part of my problem is that I'm just exhausted because I don't sleep well and consequently I don't rest. She has asked me to see a psychiatrist to try a different sleeping aid since the Ambien hasn't been helpful.
3. She also asked me how I felt about antidepressants and I nixed that idea. I do believe that antidepressants can be helpful but my depression is situational. And I know that what I'm going through, I need to deal with. Masking my symptoms isn't going to help.
4. Apparently I've also put myself in a position where I'm extremely uncomfortable really opening up to others. She doesn't think I have a support system. I felt the need to stand up for my friends, because they have been fabulous. However I explained to her that I can't ask them to repeatedly hear me cry about issues with my mom. I mean, really, if I were them I'd be like 'get over it already.'
5. I'm also very angry, duh. And more angrier than I thought. I was really saying some negative things about my mom and then I felt bad because I shouldn't be saying bad things about someone who is dead. It was a real eye opener though, because I had no idea how far back my anger went.
6. After that I had a short meeting with a commitee at Einstein's school. They're doing an event very similar to an event I've worked at for the past six years. I was able to offer a lot of helpful insight and it felt so good to feel useful.
7. Then I had to stay for the PTSA meeting because the school group I'm involved in needs to be represented and our Chair couldn't make it and I'm second in command.
8. I spent most of the meeting staring at a new science teacher who caught my eye because I caught him staring at me. He was really cute except for when he kept touching his feet (he was wearing flip flops) and I have foot issues. He had some nice tattoos on his arms and I found myself making stupid jokes so that he would laugh and notice me. How old am I again?
9. Afterwards this other parent, who was annoying, kept butting into a conversation I was having regarding our event (which I need to name here). We were discussing press releases and she kept harping about how she knew someone over at one of our small local papers and I just couldn't help myself. So I casually mentioned 'have you heard of Relay for Life' because seriously who hasn't? And of course the answer was yes. So then I dropped the bomb, 'well it's first year here in Long Beach, I did all their marketing and public relations.' Annoying parent had nothing to say after that. HA! How old am I again?
10. But it did feel good to remind myself that I have done a lot of really good things...and as a volunteer. I have a lot of talents that I have forgotten about. I've spent so much time recently putting myself down and in reality I've accomplished a lot. I came home in good spirits and that felt REALLY good.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
They say time heals everything but I'm still waiting
Apparently my old job is laying off so probably not a good idea to go back there, ha ha ha.
Here’s a random thought. There are over 1800 hundred songs on my IPOD yet when I have it on shuffle it constantly play Christina Aguilera. Very frustrating.
I gave up on the debate tonight. Yes, I understand McCain was in the war and has been to Iraq and Obama wants to give a tax break to 95% of Americans, I get it. I’m just tired of hearing and am anxious to see things HAPPEN.
Had another sex toy party this weekend. It went pretty well, bunch of crazy fun ladies. One order appears to be a cancellation since one attendee conveniently “forgot” her checkbook and I told her I needed payment by today and …..no payment…..and no return phone call. Sigh, if it’s not one thing it’s another. At least I made a few bucks.
Other than that, it’s been a quiet week here in the diva household. Einstein was in a car accident, he is fine, his car is not. The other driver’s car had no damage and he was kind enough to decline turning it in to insurance unless we wanted to. The insurance company told us the best we could hope for was 50% fault, which wouldn’t benefit us at all because we only have liability on his car and his rates would go up. Lucky for us Einstein has a good friend whose dad owns a body shop, so that will be my fun filled upcoming weekend. I’m glad he’s ok but I’m a bit worried that he doesn’t understand how he could have avoided the accident. This does not fill me with confidence.
Beav has been having issues at school…again. At least they’re not behavioral issues, rather academic ones. It’s just annoying because they could easily be avoided if he weren’t…well….a lazy ass.
I can’t believe I have nothing to blog about. Is my life that boring?
Apparently so.
Here’s a random thought. There are over 1800 hundred songs on my IPOD yet when I have it on shuffle it constantly play Christina Aguilera. Very frustrating.
I gave up on the debate tonight. Yes, I understand McCain was in the war and has been to Iraq and Obama wants to give a tax break to 95% of Americans, I get it. I’m just tired of hearing and am anxious to see things HAPPEN.
Had another sex toy party this weekend. It went pretty well, bunch of crazy fun ladies. One order appears to be a cancellation since one attendee conveniently “forgot” her checkbook and I told her I needed payment by today and …..no payment…..and no return phone call. Sigh, if it’s not one thing it’s another. At least I made a few bucks.
Other than that, it’s been a quiet week here in the diva household. Einstein was in a car accident, he is fine, his car is not. The other driver’s car had no damage and he was kind enough to decline turning it in to insurance unless we wanted to. The insurance company told us the best we could hope for was 50% fault, which wouldn’t benefit us at all because we only have liability on his car and his rates would go up. Lucky for us Einstein has a good friend whose dad owns a body shop, so that will be my fun filled upcoming weekend. I’m glad he’s ok but I’m a bit worried that he doesn’t understand how he could have avoided the accident. This does not fill me with confidence.
Beav has been having issues at school…again. At least they’re not behavioral issues, rather academic ones. It’s just annoying because they could easily be avoided if he weren’t…well….a lazy ass.
I can’t believe I have nothing to blog about. Is my life that boring?
Apparently so.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Pack up the babies and grab the old ladies
Ok, now I sound like a nagging wife. I know.
So that and just general depression from this whole stupid grief thing has just been kicking my ass. I’ve ate so much junk food over the past week that I’m embarrassed. As a rule, I eat very healthy during the week. I’m not a calorie counter, as much as I do write down what I eat and stick with healthy items. Sunday is my free day and even then I don’t go hog wild. But the last week….hot wings, pizza, chocolate cake, cookies, munchos, and I even bought, but haven’t ate, ZINGERS. Vanilla zingers are a HUGE weakness for me.
Wait, stop for a minute. Einstein just came home from school. He is doing something “raiders” for JRROTC. Three days a week he has to carry 30lbs in his backpack and then he spends an hour doing all types of physical activity that apparently he can’t tell me about. Apparently it’s some sort of military secret and he has to shoot me or something. But OMG you should see the blisters on his hands, my poor baby. He said three people quit after today. Now I want to know what he has to do. I might have to go on some commando mission. And when I say commando, I mean secretly watching, not going without my underwear you perverts.
Ok, back to Zingers. I don’t have a sweet tooth as a norm but I can’t resist zingers.
Great, now I’m talking about food. And I feel like barfing after seeing the blisters on my baby’s hands. The blisters that he is now picking rocks out of….but then I spend Saturday mornings getting the crap beaten out of me so I suppose I shouldn’t talk.
The husband is currently taunting me with the possibility of seeing Neil Diamond live. Yeah, that’s right I totally have the hots for Neil Diamond, go ahead mock me.
I’m working tomorrow night. Wish me luck. Hopefully I sell a lot of sex toys. LOTS!
Comments below transferred from Livejournal.
myfni wrote:
Sep. 27th, 2008 07:28 am (UTC)
I love neil diamond. And you can forget about your husband remembering ANYTHING. It's not in the male DNA and we're just supposed to accept it or something. Like it's a genetic flaw, oh well--just accept it. Men get away with so much. Lucky for us, we get to be genetically inclined once a month to be a bitch and oh well, they JUST HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT.
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jupitersinclair.wordpress.com wrote:
Sep. 28th, 2008 11:17 pm (UTC)
If you hadn't had such a crappy week, I would totally pick on you about Neil Diamond. I dunno....maybe it's because my mom was so into him that I just ...can't.I'm really hungry for junk food now.Thanks!
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