Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Till death do us apart and the tombstone is in place

Work is slowly progressing. The doc and I both know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, we're just hoping to see it soon. I am working my ass off, although it's still there, but I feel good about the work I'm doing and I'm glad I could help.

My father has pretty much upset all of his children. My sister warned me that he could be possibly bringing his "girlfriend" to my house when he arrives on Thursday night. I had to call him to give a head's up because I don't want to meet her.

That is my prerogative and my choice. I've talked about it extensively with my psychologist and she's assured me that this is a correct decision for me. I seriously can't put making my father feel better about his choice above my own mental health. I discussed his choices with him today and it became a very heated argument. Now my father has decided to close his business, because "she" feels it's unsafe. Now he has decided he needs to move to Southern California to be closer to her even though most of his family lives up north. And the biggie..he told me that he is waiting to marry "her" out of, and are you ready for this load of shit, respect for me.

I basically told him that he was being disrespectful to the memory of my mother. I also explained that at this point even thinking of him marrying someone else made me literally sick to my stomach and I didn't want to even discuss it.

I swear, I don't know who he is. I reminded him that every grief source I've consulted discourages you from making any major decisions for at least a year. He argued with me saying that everything he's consulted says everyone reacts differently. Yes, that's true I told him and those same people say wait a year before making any major changes.

I'm pretty sure that I'd be hard pressed to find a source that says after your wife of 41 years suddenly dies you should find a girlfriend, that was related to her, quit your job, move away from everyone, and remarry in less than a year.

I'm just saying.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I only complain a little

I worked TWELVE hours today. And I hardly made a dent in what I needed to get done. I brought work home but haven't been able to touch it yet.

As if all the work crap isn't enough I am trying to staff my parent workers for Grand Prix. After doing this it's quite obvious that people do not pay attention to detail. Inevitably half the responses I receive ask me questions that were addressed in my email. So then I have to spend more time answering questions I've already answered. Sometimes, just to be a bitch, I cut and paste from the original email I sent. Just my way of saying, hey dumbass, pay attention.

I'm very grateful that I have a job and I love being busy, even though I'm maxed. BUT, I have mixed emotions about being manager. It's a good skill and a big step up. But medical billing is my first love and I don't want to get too far away from that. There is only so far I can go though in that position.

I'm certainly learning on a trial by fire basis.

Tonight while I was trying to finish up at work my IPOD shuffled up some slower sad songs. The kind of songs that make me melancholy. I often have very poor judgment when it comes to friendships. A lot of people that I don't like right away end up being my very good friend. But then there are those that I think I will be friends with forever and it ends up badly. I've reached a point where I no longer trust my judgment where people are concerned. I really hate feeling like this.

You know what I'd like. I'd like some sort of test. You know, like what they do for drugs or alcohol. "Here, breath in this. Oh, green, that means you'll be loyal to the end."

Obviously I'm tired. I should quit talking now.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Apparently now I'm a crook

I'm settling into the new job, SLOWLY. It's been a wild ride. Today I did payroll for the first time. I don't think I mucked it up too bad. There's only been one real "incident" since I took over. Last Thursday, while I was sitting at home enjoying a nice wine buzz, my cell phone rang. It was one of the employees that we had let go. She was calling to tell me that she had received a letter from EDD advising her that there was no balance for unemployment insurance.

This part is important. She didn't call me crying or panicky. She called me all angry and pissed off. I'm not sure what I was suppose to do about it at 8pm on a Thursday night and I told her so. Then she told me that she was going to come into the office the next day to talk to the head doc. I asked her what purpose that was going to serve and her response was that she wanted the doc to know what was going on. I explained to her that since she had disturbed my evening I was going to be sure that I told the doc.

Of course I spend the rest of my evening going back and forth wondering if my former manager did not pay EDD and being really angry at the former employer for calling me.

When I got to work the next day I found out that she had called all of the employees. One of them asked her what her purpose was for calling me. She told them it was because she felt I needed to know. Now I'm even more pissed off. I quickly discover that we have, in fact, been paying EDD.

Shortly after I get a call from said employee who announces that she had filed under the wrong employer name which is why she got the letter. "So, let me get this straight. You call all the employees, create hysteria, ruin my evening, all because of a mistake you made?" She gets all self righteous on me and tells me that she had called me on Thursday evening because she wanted to be comforted. She did not call me for comfort. She called me because she was pissed and she wanted to yell at someone. I called her on it, and she stuck to her guns that she wanted comfort and then told me that obviously my position has gone to my head.

Then she proceeded to tell me that my former manager would have always been available during off hours for such reasons. That's total bullshit. I just replied with "well, look where that got you." I mean seriously because of my former manager she is out of a job. Her response, "well who says you won't do the same thing."

That was her way of inferring that I would commit fraud, steal, and lie.

This from a woman who has been working under the table for another one of our docs but tells everyone she is "volunteering." Which you know is bullshit because who "volunteers" their time at their former place of employment.

I'm one step away from reporting her.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Here's where I drop the f bomb

Obviously my new responsibilities at work have created a lot of stress. I think I've been handling it very well, considering the circumstances. I've been trying to tackle everything by handling one thing at a time. It's a lot of pressure. In some ways I feel that the head physician is kind of counting on me to fix everything. I just can't do that.

Today we had a meeting with all the physicians..and their wives. If you've ever worked in a medical practice you won't have to ask why the wives where there. If you haven't...well, I'm not sure I can explain it to you. It was not a fun meeting. There was a lot of anger..none of it directed at me, but still, very uncomfortable. I think I handled it well and I came out of the meeting feeling that most of the docs are somewhat confident in me and what I'm willing to do. I certainly don't give them excuses or try to brush them off and already that's a step in the right direction.

I also had to talk to an individual working for a federal government agency that shall go unnamed in this blog. That wasn't fun.

Then at 5pm I left for the day. It was time for my hair appointment. I've been going to the same hairdresser for years. He knows way more about me than most of my friends. It's such a cliche, but it works. We had a lot to catch up on because so much has happened in the past week. I even enjoyed some wine, which is rare. He was laughing because I was feeling pretty free spirited and, dare I say it, a bit happy.

I continued home and opened a bottle of wine. I figured since I had started on that journey I should see it through. Ivan, the hairdresser, cut me off after I used the term "mofo." Then my phone rings.

A former employee, that is one of the individuals that was laid off last week, calls me ON MY CELL PHONE AT 8PM AT NIGHT to tell me that EDD has informed her there are no unemployment funds.

Now, I'm not sure what this means because 1)I'm a bit tipsy and 2)I've been a manager/payroll person/superwoman for less than a week. I suspect that it means the former manager never paid EDD the money that is taken out of our check twice a month. This would not surprise me in the least. Then former employer proceeds to tell me she is going to come in the office tomorrow to get some answers. Oh really? If that were the case WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO CALL ME AT 8PM AT HOME?

Are you sensing my irritation? I mean seriously people. I had a good buzz going. I was seeing very nice uninhibited bedroom time with my hubby in my future. Don't get me wrong. I understand she was upset. Rightly so. However, calling me isn't going to make it better. I can't call EDD at 8pm on a Thursday evening.

The more I thought about it the more pissed I got. In fact I hope she does come in tomorrow. Because there is a small piece of my mind left and I plan on giving it to her. And while I'm at it. She's lucky I don't turn her in. Because she has been working the past two days in our office for one of our semi-retired doctors. She told me she was "volunteering" her time. He told my head doctor that he was paying her out of his own money. If he's paying her then I could let EDD know. In fact, right before she called I was telling hubby that I was in a bit of a dilemma because of this situation. Today I received the papers from EDD asking me if I knew that any of the employees were, in fact, working.

I feel better now. Only because people on twitter freaking rock. Yes they do. I don't like sharing my crap on there. In fact, I didn't intend to. It was the bad combination of wine and a who gives a fuck attitude that caused me to vomit up emotions.

But those twitter folks, they came through. I'm constantly amazed at the beauty and kindness of others. It seriously gives me pause and reminds me that all of this other shit is temporary.

Except for my mom being dead. That's permanent. And by the way, speaking of such. I understand my dad is lonely. I get that. Put yourself in my shoes. My parents have been married for over forty years. One day my mom is here, the next she's gone. And seven months later my dad wants to show up with another woman. I just can't do it. Unless you're A)a girl and b)lost your mom you really can't get it, but I appreciate the thoughts anyway.

Please remember this post was written while consuming my fourth glass of wine.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

RIP Honeybear

When my mom died I never cursed God. I didn't get angry at God, blame God, shake my fist at him....none of those things, even though everything I've read told me it was perfectly normal.

Until today. As I was walking into the psych office (and don't miss the irony here) my father called, crying, to tell me my mom's cat HoneyBear died.

Honeybear was my mom's baby. A very spoiled Persian cat. My mom LOVED cats. Cat knickknacks everywhere. When you called my mom and dad's house the answering machine stated, "you've reached Al, Sharon, and Honeybear."

For some reason...this news kicked off the blame game.

On the way home from the psych appt (all fifteen minutes of it because I got called back to work and don't miss the irony here again that my stress level is off the charts and I have to leave the psych appt) I raged against God. Wasn't it enough that you took my mom? You had to take her cat too? What the hell????????!!!!!!

I continued along those lines for awhile, sobbing while heading up the 710, hoping I could pull it together before I got back to work.

When I got home there was a letter waiting for me. Apparently my father feels that he needs to explain, in writing, why he wants to date. It's at least four pages and I'm not interested in reading it at all. I'm really not sure I will. But I definitely can't read it tonight.

There's so many other things going on but I can't even get into it right now. I would really like to go to sleep and wake up when all of this is over.

I don't see that happening.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

The Rest of the Story

So....the rest of the story.

Apparently our current office manager has been playing a bit of a shell game. And left our practice in a bit of a mess. The doctor called me to tell me the bad news. I was waiting for him to tell me that they were going to be laying me off. But instead he asked if I would consider taking over the manager position.

I have only ran a medical practice once and it was considerably smaller than this one. I'm pretty freaked out. I spent the whole weekend there trying to sort stuff out. I was hoping I'd feel a bit more in control but instead I just feel completely lost.

On Friday they terminated her and had her show me some things before she left. Can we say awkward? It's a real big mess and a lot more complicated than I can really go into to. I have to be careful because this might have legal consequences.

As if this isn't enough. My father calls me Friday to ask me a question regarding my mom's headstone. The headstone that he is finally getting around to taking care of. In the middle of the conversation he switches topics and wants to know if he can bring HIS GIRLFRIEND TO MY HOUSE SO THAT I CAN MEET HER! I don't want to meet her. I don't want to meet my dad's girlfriend. The whole thing is sick!!

Then today I find out that he is thinking of moving down here, well to San Bernardino where she lives. OMG. This is not good. He is going to move away from the majority of his children and grandchildren to be with this woman?

My appointment with my psychologist is on Wednesday. Someone should tell her to get the admit papers ready.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Viewer discretion is advised

I've been twittering today about some stuff going on at work. I can't go into details about it....yet.
The best place to start is at the beginning. Yesterday.

Yesterday was a crazy day. Wednesdays are when I see the shrink. I normally have to rush out of work and drive directly to the shrink's office. It takes me fifteen minutes so I literally get there right at the start of the appointment. It was a good appointment. We talked about several issues - my job interviews, the issue with Beav, issues with hubby, and of course my father who has obviously lost his mind. She thinks that I'm doing well, under the circumstances, and applauded my reactions and handling of all the things going on.

After that I had to rush home because at 6:30 I was leading the parent meeting at Einstein's school. Normally the chair leads the meeting but she couldn't be there so I was stepping in. I rushed home, showered, rushed back out. The secretary of the board is currently pissed at me. Would you like to know why? Of course you would.

After our board meeting last week, which was on Monday night, she asked me to email her a list of the agenda items for the meeting we had last night. I advised her that I would do so. The next evening she emailed me again and reminded me that she needed the list. It had been TWENTY-FOUR HOURS!!!! So I responded politely, via my blackberry, that as soon as I had a chance to sit down at my laptop I would do so. Wednesday afternoon I received another email, this time copied to the chair, reminding me once again that she needed the items. Ok, now I'm annoyed. So I email her back and tell her that while I appreciate her diligence I felt that emailing me three times in a 48 hour period was a bit extreme. She responded by telling me she would never "bother you again." Seriously, how flippin' old are you?

So last night I'm at the meeting and I have to ask her for some stuff and she comes off as a total biotch. I mean come on, seriously, grow up!!!!

I start the meeting, hand it off to one of the teachers to make announcements and my phone rings. "private number" I don't answer because well, I'm suppose to be leading a meeting. It goes to voice mail. And then I get a text message from hubby. He tells me that the head physician at my office is trying to get ahold of me. (Sidenote - physician is also reserve pd and my husband use to be in charge of the reserves so they know each other).

I start to freak out and since the meeting is in good hands with the current speaker I sneak out to return the call.

...to be continued.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Where is a parachute when you need one?

Yes, it's been ages since I updated. I've been a bad blogger. Is there a bad blogger jail? I've been busy, but I'm not sure with what.

I do work out a lot, but since I dropped school you would think I would have more time on my hands. However, whatever free time I have just gets sucked up by something else. Lately that something is Beav.

Beav, my "special" child. The child that can give me the biggest smile and the biggest heartache. Last week he pushed every button I have and then some. Unfortunately he also pushed all the buttons of his history teacher who responded by calling my hubby. Sometimes Beav's ADHD is just too much. Emotionally I'm already pulled so tight that his "antics," for lack of a better world, just push me over the edge. And last week I went over the edge and flying off the cliff. I really felt like I was done and wanted to send Beav to live with his dad. Deep down I know this is not the best place for him. Or is it?

I don't know. But the thought of sending my baby away was so painful. But I just felt like I had nothing left to handle things. I did agree that I would give it a couple days of thought, and I did. And he is staying, but I kind of let him have it. And then we met with the principal, his history teacher and the head teacher and we kind of let him have it again, but in a supportive way. It was nice to hear the teachers tell him that he was indeed a bright kid. I think he needed to hear it. And you know what, he is bright.

If this kid tried even just a little bit, he would have all A's and B's. That isn't even giving it 110 percent. That's just what he can achieve if he gets his shit together. I'm hoping that he finally got the message.

Other than that, it's all quiet here one the homefront. I'm dealing with an issue that I can't share here, but I've got to work it out. It's on my mind way too much and I need to either let it go or accept it's there. Geez, can I be any more vague?