My bladder and my dad, but not together

So, while I'm sitting in urgent care (possible bladder infection), I might as well update. God, I love technology.

My sister called me last night very angry, not at me, but at my father, who has obviously lost his mind. He called her to let her know he was coming back down here (southern California) to see my mom's cousin again. Apparently, to use his words, its become "serious."

Look, I understand lonely. Find yourself a f&$€ buddy. Don't tell your children, who are still majorly mourning the loss of their mother, that you're serious about another woman. Because what we hear is "I found someone to replace your mom.". I know that's not what he means but that's what we hear.

Last night I dropped my classes. It means two "W" on my transcript, but I think I can take the hit. I dropped three out of four and the three I dropped aren't necessary for my transfer. The class I kept is but doesn't start until the middle of next month. I just can't seem to get my crap together. The psychologist says that its normal to be like this for at least a year. I hate it. I spent all day Monday working ahead and then on Thursday I submitted homework for the chapter that isn't due until next week. Basically I turned in the wrong homework and she doesn't accept late work unless I give her advance notice. I was already dinged for missing another assignment and I decided the W was better than an C. I hate feeling so disorganized all the time. Its so unlike me and it angers me.

Then there is the crap with my job. Last week my boss told everyone she was cutting their hours. She wants everyone to cut four hours. I don't work full time as it is so this is an issue. I started thinking that maybe it was time to find a new job full time. The extra money would be nice. But, even with the issues I have at work, there are a lot of positives. Its very flexible, if I need time off or have to leave because of something with my kids, its never a big deal. And I make pretty good hourly wage for my field. And they let me work part time which allows me to stay in school. Yesterday I talked to my boss about the cut and how many hours she wanted me to work. She told me to keep it at 30 hours or less a week. That is what I work now, before the cut. So, um, yeah its cool. I told hubby that I was inclined to stay where I was at. This job, even with its issues, allows me to have other priorities - my family, school, training.

I still have interviews scheduled and I will keep those. They were arranged by a headhunter and it makes her look bad if I cancel. Besides you never know, something fabulous might come up.

I'm going to go pee in a cup now.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

These Wounds are Self Inflicted

I haven't posted in...forever. Well except for my rant yesterday but I just had to get that off my chest.

I always make the mistake of posting after I've caught up on reading the fifty gazillion blogs I follow. All blogs written by amazing witty women...and then I feel so completely inadequate. But, I persist. If only to get shit out of my head, which sometimes makes me feel better. A big goal of mine is to blog consistently, it's just tough. I'm one of those people who THRIVE on routine. Call it boring, but doing the same thing every day at the same time, I LOVE IT. Spontaneity is not one of my strong suits. Lately though, it's been hard to maintain some type of schedule. Things keep coming up that mess up my carefully orchestrated blackberry induced schedule. It really drives me nuts. I'm hoping that during the three day weekend (one day of which is already gone) I can catch up on some stuff and actually work ahead in school so that I can handle life's little surprises better.

In the meantime, here's the scoop:

VDay: I hope everyone had a nice one. I know that many of you are totally anti VDay and I feel your pain. I'm a complete unromantic. However, hubby is not. He made plans to see this, the Hooray for Hollywood show, or as I like to call it the Horror of Hollywood show because it was the WORST DINNER THEATER EVER. The only good thing about it was the food, which was shocking because I was totally expecting rubber chicken. It was so bad, campy bad. Hubby felt bad but it wasn't as if we had a horrible time, so the night wasn't a bomb. I decided to go with the anti -valentine look and didn't dress all romantic. Leopard print slinky dress, fishnets, bright red patent leather heels, and kick ass jewelry. My charm bracelet had red hearts, daggers, guns, and meat cleavers. I'm just romantic about weapons. Hubby also sent me a pajama gram which was sweet and took my mom's watch in to have it cleaned up. All in all, it was a nice day.

Notice the black nails and the blood on the dagger, hehehe.

Beav: Beav and Einstein left to see their dad on Friday night. I received a text from him after we said goodbye letting me know that he had raised all his grades and no longer had any D's or F's. This is a very big deal and I'm so proud of him. You know what, I need to tell him that. Hold on, I'm going to text him right now. Ok, done. He has been working very hard and I've been nagging him like crazy. I just hope that he keeps it up.

Work: If anyone read my twitters Friday they could tell work was not going well. My boss held an employee staff meeting on Thursday afternoons. I don't work Thursday afternoons so never mind that she should have discussed things with me privately. I get to work Friday morning to find out everyone is getting their hours cut. I have to wait two hours for her to get there because she doesn't come in until 10am. She wouldn't even look at me directly when I asked her about it. This is basically how the conversation went:

Me - "Um, so what happened yesterday because I'm hearing all kinds of crazy stuff"

Peg Bundy (because seriously this woman so ways too much wrinkly cleavage) - "Well, with the issues we're having having with Medicare we need to make some cuts, but just temporary. Everyone has been asked to work four hours less a week."

Me - "I already only work part time and now you want me to give up four more hours a week?"

Peg Bundy-"Well, you work about 64 hours a pay period so if you could do 60, that would be good, just come in an hour late or leave an hour early every day (I love how she makes it sound like she's doing me a favor. Also, if I do that then I'm giving up four hours a week, not four hours a payday. Friday's don't count, those are four hour days anyway).

Me - "Yeah, I don't think I can do that."

Peg Bundy- "Well, if you could just try."

TRY? Try to make less when I have a kid in private school. And yes, I know that's a choice, but it's the right choice for Beav.

So, I'm outta there. Which sucks because it's hard to find good paying part time jobs in my profession. And the full time jobs aren't paying what I make, but I'll still make more money if I go full time somewhere else. So, I won't be able to go to school and I will have to work full time. None of this good. I'm really trying to stay positive but it's tough.

Kickboxing - This is my last free Sunday until my fight. Starting next weekend I spar on Saturdays and Sundays to better prepare myself for an ass kicking (not sure whose ass, mine or someone elses). The upside of this is that I will be better prepared and it also will really speed up my weight loss and toning. Sparring burns up to about 3000 calories. The downside is that I'm so wiped out after Saturday sparring and it normally takes me until Monday to feel all normal again. Now I won't have any down time. However it is super necessary and I'm ready for the challenge. I have noticed a huge improvement in my confidence and skills. Other's have noticed it too and commented on it, so that's really nice. Just a few months ago I never thought I'd feel the way I feel now. Don't get me wrong, I still have a LONG ways to go. I can't seem to block a round kick to my head for the life of me which is why I'm an inside fighter. I'm often shorter than most of the people I spar with so my range is less than theirs. I like to stay inside. I have found that a lot of people are uncomfortable with that and just shut down as soon as you do that. Some get mad and I've been knocked around a bit, but it's my style and there's nothing wrong with it. Yesterday I got in a great cross to someone's jaw and OMG it felt so good. I think he was surprised also and gave me props for it. Of course he paid me back with a knee to my stomach so that wasn't fun, but alls well that ends well.

School - So I took the easy route this semester to get myself back into the swing of things. Mostly business classes, almost all online. I started two last week and two more start in March. My business communications professor is completely whack. How can you be a department chair of a business department and be so completely disorganized? Seriously. Plus, in every online class I've ever taken my tests have been online. Normally timed, to prevent massive cheating. Nope, in her class it's scantron and I have to have the tests there by noon on the due date, which is twice a week. The main reason people take online classes is because they work during the day. HELLO??? So, the only other option is to mail the tests. However to be sure they get there in time I need to mail them super early which means I'm going to have to work ahead. I'm already so frustrated by the whole process.

BTW..do you know blogger doesn't recognize the word scantron? Sigh.

I'm too exhausting to be loved

While transferring my posts from live journal back to blogger I have discovered something.

My posts are horrible.

The overwhelming theme is grief and depression. And yes, with the passing of my mom it is to be expected but who wants to read about it?

Ugh, are you people masochists or what? And when I say "you people" I mean the three of you that read me.

I have another blog where I also throw up my feelings. It’s hidden away and by invite only. I'm thinking that perhaps in the future if I have a post that implies I might be ready to stick my head in the oven then it might be a good idea to put it in the other blog.

Not that I am limiting what I write about based on what I think readers want, but really do the three of you need to see another post where the first tag is 'crying'. I think not.

And I will still blog about my battle with grief, anger, and what has been termed "situational depression." It’s just the whiny shit that should be locked away.

Can someone please explain to me why Beaver does his math homework but doesn't turn it in? He has an F in math due to missing homework assignments. He does them, I check them, and somewhere between that point and the next morning. Abracadabra! It’s enough to make me want to pray.

I had dropped my classes this semester in hopes that I would get that job. However they were supposed to make their decision last week and I haven’t heard from them. Just a bit frustrating because they did ask me to tell them if I took another position. Do ya think they could return the favor? You know just a short call to say sorry you suck, you"re not who we are looking for?

Then I realized that now I’ve dropped two semesters in a row and that doesn’t look good so I went to the school website and searched under every subject to find classes that I could take online and that didn’t start until the 15 week mark or the 2nd 9 week mark. I didn’t care if it was a zoology class I was going to take it.

This is what I ended up with:

Organizational Communication (helps you organize your thoughts so that you can write better. I love writing research papers, kind of, and I’ve already started on the one I’ll be doing for this class)

Business Communications – so I can learn to say suck it more nicely

Legal Environment of Business – so I can politely explain to my boss that it is ILLEGAL to give out account information without the patient’s permission

How to Start A Home Based Business – really, how can you not want to take a class in which the textbook is called “Getting Rich In Your Underwear.” Now is wearing underwear required? Because this could be a problem.

Actually the organizational communication class is on campus, but other than that all online. Every class but the underwear class is eligible for transfer. So at least I’m taking classes that I can learn something from but I’m still carrying 10.5 units which means Sallie Mae won’t be knocking on my door to pay my student loans.

Last night hubby came home with some pictures of me that he had at work. I was like, “so, you don’t want my pictures in your office,” and he was like “I want updated pictures.” Of course he does “so, you don’t want FAT pictures of me anymore,” “no” he said, “just current ones.” Uh huh, I see where this is going. Current – not so fat, old pictures – FAT.


Title brought to you courtesy of Alanis Morissette "Tapes"

Is There a God...Why is he waiting?

Ah, blogger...how I've missed you.

Livejournal was creating a lot of issues with bots on my AIM. Yesterday I received about five random instant messages about everything from naked women to bongs.

The only advantage that LiveJournal has/had over Blogger is that it allows me to set privacy settings for each individual entry. With twitter and all the other social media people I actually know in real life started reading my blog and well as much as I'd like to think I'm an open book...I'm not.

Yesterday I was headed back to my third interview with a local clinic. I check in and am waiting...and waiting..and the human resources person comes out. She looks at me quizzically...'what are you doing here? Didn't you get my message the other day?' Um, yes, I did. Right after I got the message to be here at 12:30pm. Yep, apparently there was a huge case of the right hand not talking to the left hand and the short version is that I put on heels for nothing. The HR person did reassure me that I'm a strong contender for the position I've applied for and I should hear early next week.

I had already scheduled the rest of the afternoon off as I am on my school schedule. I'm suppose to start school in an hour and a half as I have an orientation for one of my online classes. I don't think I'm going to be there. I'm still confused about what to do. One minute I'm eager to go back to school...the next minute I hate my office so much I can hardly stand it.

I could write a book about the issues that this office has. HIPPA violations, lack of professionalism...do you know I haven't had working voice mail since I've been there? I can't print claims from my computer. My boss has never done my job, she has no idea how to do my job, yet she constantly is telling me to do things that I know are a)wrong, b)unethical, or c)makes no sense at all.

Enough already.

Because of my weight loss I found myself with a ton of clothes that are too big for me. I had the bright idea to sell the items on ebay. I wasn't looking to get rich, just make a few bucks. I didn't. What I did get was a multitude of stupid questions. I don't how ebayers do it. I had a top listed for ninety-nine cents. Ninety-nine cents people!!!! And someone emails me haggling me about the shipping cost. Wants me to stuff it in a priority mail flat rate envelope because they don't want to pay the $8 charge I have for priority mail. Yes, I know it's kinda high but I do have to drive my ass to the post office.

I sold a few items, the rest are going to the women's shelter. I'm talking nice shit. Wool dress skirts, blouses, lots of nice work items.

In the meantime I continue to spend all of my money on ebay feeding my vintage hat habit.

Title credit: New Deep by John Mayer