Tuesday, January 13, 2009

How The Mighty Have Fallen

Ok, so I'm not mighty, but you get the idea.

Thursday I have an appointment with an EAP counselor. EAP stands for employee assistance program. Basically the way it works is that you see one of the counselors and if they feel that you require ongoing treatment you get referred to a mental health specialist covered by your insurance program.

I'm sure that once they get a glimpse of the simmering rage floating beneath my sunny exterior they will most likely recommend some type of treatment. I suppose I should be looking forward to the opportunity to unload and I am certainly grateful that husbands insurance provides such a benefit but I'm dreading the whole thing. The thought of opening up to a complete stranger is about as horrifying as the thought of opening up to someone I know. Actually opening up horrifies me period.

The true irony is that I am a certified crisis counselor. I've been certified by the state in the areas of domestic violence and sexual assault. Being on the other side just doesn't appeal to me at all. With all of my training and my studies as a psych major shouldn't I be more equipped to handle these things?

Besides, I've worked in the mental health field. Most psychologists and psychiatrists I worked for were all nuts themselves. So, perhaps my unhealthy mental state is a prerequisite for my future career. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

I am still anxiously waiting to hear whether or not I've gotten the position I've been trying for. I am supposed to hear this week and every time the phone vibrates I about bounce off my seat.

I just need something to change, soon.

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