crush a dream?

Yesterday was Beav's weekly choir practice. It was a significant day because last week he tried out for a speaking part in the musical they do at the end of the school year.

This is his second year in choir and last year he had a part as an understudy. Knowing how important this was to him I was anxious about hearing how it turned out. During the day I had been saying little prayers for him. The thing is that I think Beav has the ability to be a great performer, however not in the area of singing, which these speaking parts require.

I arrived at practice a little early to pick him up and once I noticed kids coming out of the building, no Beav. I waited a bit longer, no Beav. So I finally went in and headed to their practice room, no Beav. Walked around, looked everywhere and headed back to the choir room to ask the director if she knew where he was. She looked a little puzzled and said that he had told her that he had to leave early and had taken off 20 minutes ago. For a few moments all I felt was sheer terror because I had absolutely no idea where he was.

I headed back out and find him standing by the car. Of course I immediately started grilling him and he kept replying that he thought hubby had told him that he was picking him up early and when he saw hubby wasn't here he went to talk to one of the preschool teachers.

I knew he was lying and pretty much begged him to just come clean. He stuck to his story. So, I called him out because I had been there early and if indeed he had come out looking for hubby, he would have seen me.

Then he came clean. He didn't get the part and he was so upset that he just left early and he went to one of the teachers he knows to talk about it.

Dishonesty has been an issue with the child and recently I explained in no uncertain terms that it would not be tolerated. I was so angry I couldn't even speak. On the way home he kept trying to explain and I very firmly told him that I didn't want to hear it.

Part of the issue with me (see yesterdays post) is that I'm so taxed emotionally that when something happens to add to my anger I have a very difficult time staying in control.

I ended up giving myself a time out.

Later when beav and I talked about it he explained that he was so angry (he defintely inherited my bad temper) about not getting the part that he left because he was afraid he was going to show his temper to his fellow choir members.
He yelled and cried that it wasn't fair, that the boy that got the part was stupid, wasn't talented, how the boy kind of threw it Beav's face that he got it. How the boy didn't even want the part but the director made him try out.

He railed against all the injustices. And then we talked about it. I applauded his maturity in realizing that his anger could be a problem but explained that lying to the director was wrong and he had to take responsibility for it. Lying to me was wrong and he agreed explaining that he had lied because we were outside and there were other kids around and he was afraid that if he told me what had really happened he would have gotten upset and he didn't want the kids to see him cry.

I understand that and we discussed what he could/should have done.
It was a long discussion and he is still angry. Apparently, acting is his dream and he feels his dream has been taken away. He is angry with God because if God really loved him he would understand how important this is and he would have gotten the part. I did my best to explain that sometimes what God has planned for us doesn't really line up with our plans.

But here is my dilemma - how do I explain that perhaps his talents lie elsewhere and maybe this is not the right dream for him or do I explain that all.

This boy, with all his issues and constant struggles, is such a joy. He is so amazing in so many ways. He has so many talents and the biggest heart. I don't want to crush his dreams, but how and do I steer him away from this goal and onto something else?

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

What $5.99 buys you on ebay

Apparently the ebay lady is one of those types that has to have the last word. I've never understood that. I don't feel compelled to get the last word in. At some point you run out of things to say.

My email requesting a refund wasn't rude. It just seemed that the entire transaction was a waste of time at this point. However, she seemed to think that I was really upset. "Sure. I don't understand why you seem so mad. You could have just left whatever feedback you wanted. I have a home business for cancer patients and have had someone helping me here. I got them to help with the packages and abviously it didn't work out. I emailed all of my customers and don't think one is as upset as you. Hope your day gets better."

This is the second time she has mentioned her cancer patient work. Good for her and all that, but its irrelevant. So I responded again. I reminded her that this is a business transaction and I was hardly angry, I just didn't feel like it was worth additional time. I probably could have stopped there but I told her that I thought it was tacky that she used the whole cancer thing as an excuse. I mean its really about choices. She chooses to drive to the US to ship products. I didn't ask that of her.

Well, this apparently sent her over the edge. "By my own admission, I DID for get your parcel. What do I do? I drive down weekly. If I had mailed it from here you probably still would have seen it by now. I was asking you not to put the shipping as slow. You could have written in the space that it was slow. It's the marking that stops us from selling. I have been fight ing the new system and everybody hates it. I can have someone who does pay for weeks and I'm not aloud to leave anything but positive. It's positive or nothing. Anyways, me mentioning that I working with cancer patients isn't tacky. I am a survivor and I offer a great service for women in treatment. I have been very busy with my new business and had someone helping me and it didn't work out. Abviosly I have to follow through with things myself rather than relay on other people. You know, I bought something from the States Jan 12th. I emailed them once and then put in a item not receive through paypal. I still haven't been refunded ($60) and I still haven't left feedback. Something could have happened to them, I dont know. Whatever, life happens, and sometimes I might forget a parcel. I have apologized and not much else to do. "

I now know way more about this person than is necessary. I'm just thankful that I don't feel the need to respond.

I have resigned from the sex toy selling business. Well, I resigned/got fired, but not in a bad way. I haven't done a party since November and I have no desire to do more. Perhaps if I could only do parties for kinky people, but all I seem to get is ghetto girls who don't want to spend any money.

I do need some type of home based business though because it saves my ass at tax time. I'm thinking Avon. No parties, just put out catalogs. Besides, I like the Avon.

I've had a couple other party companies contact me but I just think I'm done. Between the prep time, gas, three hours talking and selling, and dealing with stupid questions, its just not worth the money. In the good days I was pulling $150 plus a party. Now, I'm lucky to break $80.

The worst part, no more employee discount.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I know there was a Saturday in there somewhere.

Did a weekend happen? Because I'm pretty sure I missed it.

Saturday I had three hours of kickboxing. One hour of class and then two straight hours of sparring. Two hours of full contact. I haven't been full contact since I broke my foot..well except for that day where I tried to snap my calf in two but you know how that went.

I am literally covered in bruises from my stomach down. The one on my stomach is the worse. It's big and purple and very angry looking. Hubby asked if I was sure something wasn't broken it looked that bad. I got kicked in the crotch, which has never happened before and there is a bit of purpling there. Add a huge one on my left thigh, a nasty one above the knee, about four on the inside of my thigh and then my right leg is peppered with small ones from the kneecap down.

It's beautiful. My trainer told me though that I gave as good as I got and that made me feel a lot better. It's not how I look, it's how the other guy looks, lol. Nevermind that I spent most of Sunday wearing an icyhot patch on my back.

My dad arrived Saturday evening and we spent all day Sunday out. We headed off to the Simi Valley to go to the Reagan Presidential Library. I really love this museum and never get tired of going there. I was especially excited because they are displaying the Magna Carta and how many times in your life do you get to see that? I love that my boys love history and get a kick out of it. We took the long way back via Ventura (stopped and did a little shopping, shocking I know), headed up Highway 1 and returned to Long Beach for a great lobster dinner at Gladstones.

It was a really great day and I was amazed that we were home by 8. I was exhausted so I decided to not take a sleeping pill. I regretted this decision as I lay there wide awake until about 1:30 in the morning. I belive I got a total of 3.5 hours of sleep. I really wish I could just switch of my mind because it was going a million miles a minute last night. I HATE THAT. I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Wednesday who will hopefully give me some sleeping meds that can help me in the short term without becoming addictive.

I was so not myself that I ended up posting here a lot more information than I intended to and if you didn't get a chance to read it, it's gone now I have a private blog for that sort of crap.

It didn't help that today w e n t s u p e r s l o w. Ugh.

If you read my tweets, then you know that I am a horrible Ebay addiction. It's mostly vintage hats and workout gear. The other day I emailed a seller that I had paid on January 13th. No email letting me know that the item had been shipped and worse than that..no item. On the item page it reads "I SHIP FROM THE STATES ONCE A WEEK. I DRIVE DOWN FROM CANADA. It is cheaper than from Canada. This is for US and Canadian customers. Please when leaving feedback, do not mark shipping as slow. This will effect my selling ability and it isn't slow if you are aware of my shipping practice" Ok. So now it's the 26th, which is almost two weeks since I paid for the item. I ask if it's been shipped. This is the response I get "Hi there, I am so sorry. I don't know why your parcel got missed on my last trip to the States. As per item description I ship weekly. I have a home service for women in treatment and so I had someone helping me that turned out to be not so helpful. I am going back down tomorrow and will send it. Please, I ask you to not mark the shipping as slow. This will effect my selling ability. Sorry again, I drive to the States to save my customers money and it seems to be biting me in the butt. "

I would like to point out that by the seller's own admission my item was not shipped. My item was missed. Then she asks me to lie. I shouldn't mark the item as slow because this could hurt her. So I respond with a comment that what if I hadn't emailed her. I remind her that this item is late because of a mistake. Not because of her own unique shipping policy. And this is the nice response I get "I emailed everyone today to let them know of my shipping plans. As per item description I ship weekly anyways to save my customers money. I drive down to the States. Do what you have to. "

Isn't that sweet. She admits she forgot my item (yes I know I said it before but humor me) then gets upset when I seem to have an issue with this. So I kindly responded that she could refund me my money, including shipping, and then I wouldn't leave negative feedback and I would never buy from her again. Win, win.

Still waiting for a response.

My father is laughing at the entire exchange.

And I really wanted the hat.

Thursday Ten, The oral and anal edition

I spend a lot of time on the internet. Between the blackberry and the laptop....I spend most of my day on the internet....twittering, reading blogs, email, the list is endless. There is no denying that I LOVE technology. However, I don't understand how it works and I don't feel I need to understand how it works. All I know is that if I push the little button under the word Dell on my laptop, it should come on. And that little 'e' at the bottom, if I hit that it takes me to the internet. If none of those things work, I get a little crazy.

Last night Einstein came to me and started going on about servers and his xbox and his friends and he wants to buy a server, yada, yada, yada. I believe my eyes started glazing over at the first mention of server. I finally told him to cut to the chase and he explained that he and his friends would pay for the server but they needed a credit card. Nice to know I'm useful. So, I gave him my credit card and asked when the server would arrive. Hey, I like to mess with the kid's head.

So, after all that technology talk I thought that for today's Thursday Ten I'd share some of my favorite URL's with you.

1. I love to cook and I utilize two website a lot for recipes. Of course, food network is one of them. Initially I shied away from this site because some of the recipes were confusing and complicated. However,either I've improved or the recipes have gotten easier. When I'm having a party or trying to work a theme meal it's a great resource.
2. The other site is allrecipes.com. I like this site so much that I even buy their cookbooks. One of my favorite features of this site is that let's say you have a pantry full of spam, you can do a search based on ingredients. Spam all week long! (I actually hate Spam and I do not endorse it's use).
3. I love to shop online, mostly because I don't like the mall very much. If you have a need to increase the size of your jewelry box ex-boyfriend jewelry is a great place to go. This site gives people the chance to sell those unwanted pieces of jewelry that were gifted to them by, well you guessed it, exboyfriends. Seriously, there is some nice jewelry on here and the stories are great!
4. I love to read and recently some of my friends turned me onto the goodread site. This site allows you to list the books you've read, make reviews, and recommend them to others. It also gives you the option to offer the book up for swap or sell. You can also list the books that you plan to read, connect with others, and get recommendations.
5. As much as I love to read I HATE paying for books. I recommend using your library (insert the url for your library here). I love our library website. I can go to the website, search for a book (usually one that's been recommended on goodread), request the book, and have it sent to my local branch. And then, and this is the best part, the library calls me and tells me the book is waiting for me. HOW COOL IS THAT? I'm shocked at how many Long Beach residents I talk to that have no idea that you can do this. Of course, there can be drawbacks. Recently I requested the new Michael Connelly book and I'm 91st in the queue.
6. If you are involved anything where document sharing is necessary and you aren't using google docs, you're a fool. Google docs allows you to upload files, (word documents, spreadsheets) and then share them with others. No more emailing spreadsheets back and forth. You just upload the file, share it with those that you want to have it and you can control what they do, edit, etc. It's a huge timesaver. The best part is that you're not wasting any of your memory on file.
7. I read a lot of blogs. For a lot of different reasons. Although I must admit most of them just remind me of my failings as a blogger. I do learn interesting things though. For example, do you know that the richer the man...the better your orgasm? Yep, that I learned from sex secrets. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'but Diva, I thought you were the sexpert.' I hate to disappoint you folks, but I've just been faking it. (the expertness not the orgasms) Seriously though, this is a great site. During my parties the women seem to respond well to fun facts about sex and this is where I get them. Questions about anal sex, oral sex, positions? This is the place to find the answers.
8. Almost all the blogs I read are awesome, but there are two that when I see that little feed light up, I light up. One makes me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants. I would give my firstborn to have even a smidgen of her wittiness. That would be the bloggess. And if you don't follow her on twitter well then you've missed today's lesson in fisting. Seriously this woman can make a post with one long run-on sentence. I find myself reading them out loud to my husband and even he starts to laugh.
9. The other is only updated once a week and I wait for it anxiously every Sunday. That would be postsecret. Some of the secrets make me tear up and some make me laugh, and some touch my heart. I'm often tempted to send in one myself. If you have a chance check out the ones from this week, I think you'll figure out my favorite right away.
10. Ok, one more blog, although I don't think of it as a blog. If you don't have LOTD on your feed, you're missing out. Great videos. lists, and other fun things that will remind you that there are those out there who are more stupid than you are (and I mean that in a nice way).

That's it folks. Have fun and remember surf often and surf safely.

I'm too exhausting to be loved

While transferring my posts from live journal back to blogger I have discovered something.

My posts are horrible.

The overwhelming theme is grief and depression. And yes, with the passing of my mom it is to be expected but who wants to read about it?

Ugh, are you people masochists or what? And when I say "you people" I mean the three of you that read me.

I have another blog where I also throw up my feelings. It’s hidden away and by invite only. I'm thinking that perhaps in the future if I have a post that implies I might be ready to stick my head in the oven then it might be a good idea to put it in the other blog.

Not that I am limiting what I write about based on what I think readers want, but really do the three of you need to see another post where the first tag is 'crying'. I think not.

And I will still blog about my battle with grief, anger, and what has been termed "situational depression." It’s just the whiny shit that should be locked away.

Can someone please explain to me why Beaver does his math homework but doesn't turn it in? He has an F in math due to missing homework assignments. He does them, I check them, and somewhere between that point and the next morning. Abracadabra! It’s enough to make me want to pray.

I had dropped my classes this semester in hopes that I would get that job. However they were supposed to make their decision last week and I haven’t heard from them. Just a bit frustrating because they did ask me to tell them if I took another position. Do ya think they could return the favor? You know just a short call to say sorry you suck, you"re not who we are looking for?

Then I realized that now I’ve dropped two semesters in a row and that doesn’t look good so I went to the school website and searched under every subject to find classes that I could take online and that didn’t start until the 15 week mark or the 2nd 9 week mark. I didn’t care if it was a zoology class I was going to take it.

This is what I ended up with:

Organizational Communication (helps you organize your thoughts so that you can write better. I love writing research papers, kind of, and I’ve already started on the one I’ll be doing for this class)

Business Communications – so I can learn to say suck it more nicely

Legal Environment of Business – so I can politely explain to my boss that it is ILLEGAL to give out account information without the patient’s permission

How to Start A Home Based Business – really, how can you not want to take a class in which the textbook is called “Getting Rich In Your Underwear.” Now is wearing underwear required? Because this could be a problem.

Actually the organizational communication class is on campus, but other than that all online. Every class but the underwear class is eligible for transfer. So at least I’m taking classes that I can learn something from but I’m still carrying 10.5 units which means Sallie Mae won’t be knocking on my door to pay my student loans.

Last night hubby came home with some pictures of me that he had at work. I was like, “so, you don’t want my pictures in your office,” and he was like “I want updated pictures.” Of course he does “so, you don’t want FAT pictures of me anymore,” “no” he said, “just current ones.” Uh huh, I see where this is going. Current – not so fat, old pictures – FAT.


Title brought to you courtesy of Alanis Morissette "Tapes"

Does Size Matter?

I just thought this was funny. You can't read it but in small print on the bottom of the right side it says "Not actual pill size, for illustrative purposes only."

Really? Do people think the pill is the same size as the picture on the box? Are you supposed to cut it up first?

I'm exhausting and exhausted.

I think that sometimes you have to really hit rock bottom to be able to pull yourself up. I thought that the week of Christmas I had done that.

Apparently I was wrong. Because rock bottom occurred at my house last night. I won't describe it, it wasn't pretty. It started with Beav presenting me with a progress report from Math reflecting he is earning an F. Why? Because he has not turned in any homework. I know he does his homework because I check it every night. Yet somehow between our dining room table and his school bag it disappears.

Apparently this was just too much stress for me to handle and I had a complete meltdown.

Today, I'm exhausted and embarrassed but I feel ok. I still think therapy is necessary but I am absolutely certain that I never want to repeat what occured last night. That alone is motivation enough to get my shit together.

The worst part of the whole thing is that I had plans with this person. I had to cancel and only told her that it was due to an emergency. Later I called to apologize but she didn't answer. However, she text'd me in response to my message about a minute later so it's obvious she didn't answer because she didn't want to.

This led to an exchange of text messages that ended with her saying some very cruel things. The ironic thing is that she said being my friend is exhausting. This is someone who hasn't spoken to me in three months. This is someone who, every time we went anywhere together, I had to drive because she just refused to. And yes, she helped with gas, etc, but still even if we were going somewhere where I live I had to drive where she lives, pick her up and bring her back to where I live. This is someone who I sat with all night while she threw up and sent text messages that I later deleted because who wants to be reminded of drunk texting?

Yet, I'm exhausting. When I called her the day my mom died she barely said a word. She never called me during the week to see how I was doing. She sent me a text message! And in reality we wouldn't have started talking again if I hadn't contacted her. And we stopped being in touch because I was always the one reaching out and she never was.

She hit below the belt with the exhausting comment because I know that right now, I am exhausting. I don't mean to be. I hate it and if I could change it I would. What I do know though is that if any of my friends were really hurting I would do ANYTHING to help. I would call, send cards, remind them that I'm there every chance I had. There have been times when my friends have said hurtful things. Sometimes alcohol is involved, sometimes they are just being honest, and sometimes I'm just too sensitive. And when that happens I let it go.

But this wasn't being hurtful. This was being mean. And it took every bit of self restraint I have (and I don't have a lot) not to reply with some pretty horrible missives. I could have taken it really low and part of me wanted to, but I just couldn't.

The worst part is that this is someone I really shared a lot of personal things with. My inclination is to keep more things to myself. I hate feeling like that. I hate feeling like I can't trust people. And I hate feeling like I have the worst instincts about others.

That's a lot of hate.

But even now, I'm ok.

Thursday Ten, The Science Edition

1. I'm officially in therapy, ugh. Seriously, she looked like she was twelve. I'm not entirely sure I'm going to stick with her but I committed to going back next week. If I don't stick with her I will go with one of the other referrals I got today.

2. She thinks that part of my problem is that I'm just exhausted because I don't sleep well and consequently I don't rest. She has asked me to see a psychiatrist to try a different sleeping aid since the Ambien hasn't been helpful.

3. She also asked me how I felt about antidepressants and I nixed that idea. I do believe that antidepressants can be helpful but my depression is situational. And I know that what I'm going through, I need to deal with. Masking my symptoms isn't going to help.

4. Apparently I've also put myself in a position where I'm extremely uncomfortable really opening up to others. She doesn't think I have a support system. I felt the need to stand up for my friends, because they have been fabulous. However I explained to her that I can't ask them to repeatedly hear me cry about issues with my mom. I mean, really, if I were them I'd be like 'get over it already.'

5. I'm also very angry, duh. And more angrier than I thought. I was really saying some negative things about my mom and then I felt bad because I shouldn't be saying bad things about someone who is dead. It was a real eye opener though, because I had no idea how far back my anger went.

6. After that I had a short meeting with a commitee at Einstein's school. They're doing an event very similar to an event I've worked at for the past six years. I was able to offer a lot of helpful insight and it felt so good to feel useful.

7. Then I had to stay for the PTSA meeting because the school group I'm involved in needs to be represented and our Chair couldn't make it and I'm second in command.

8. I spent most of the meeting staring at a new science teacher who caught my eye because I caught him staring at me. He was really cute except for when he kept touching his feet (he was wearing flip flops) and I have foot issues. He had some nice tattoos on his arms and I found myself making stupid jokes so that he would laugh and notice me. How old am I again?

9. Afterwards this other parent, who was annoying, kept butting into a conversation I was having regarding our event (which I need to name here). We were discussing press releases and she kept harping about how she knew someone over at one of our small local papers and I just couldn't help myself. So I casually mentioned 'have you heard of Relay for Life' because seriously who hasn't? And of course the answer was yes. So then I dropped the bomb, 'well it's first year here in Long Beach, I did all their marketing and public relations.' Annoying parent had nothing to say after that. HA! How old am I again?

10. But it did feel good to remind myself that I have done a lot of really good things...and as a volunteer. I have a lot of talents that I have forgotten about. I've spent so much time recently putting myself down and in reality I've accomplished a lot. I came home in good spirits and that felt REALLY good.

How The Mighty Have Fallen

Ok, so I'm not mighty, but you get the idea.

Thursday I have an appointment with an EAP counselor. EAP stands for employee assistance program. Basically the way it works is that you see one of the counselors and if they feel that you require ongoing treatment you get referred to a mental health specialist covered by your insurance program.

I'm sure that once they get a glimpse of the simmering rage floating beneath my sunny exterior they will most likely recommend some type of treatment. I suppose I should be looking forward to the opportunity to unload and I am certainly grateful that husbands insurance provides such a benefit but I'm dreading the whole thing. The thought of opening up to a complete stranger is about as horrifying as the thought of opening up to someone I know. Actually opening up horrifies me period.

The true irony is that I am a certified crisis counselor. I've been certified by the state in the areas of domestic violence and sexual assault. Being on the other side just doesn't appeal to me at all. With all of my training and my studies as a psych major shouldn't I be more equipped to handle these things?

Besides, I've worked in the mental health field. Most psychologists and psychiatrists I worked for were all nuts themselves. So, perhaps my unhealthy mental state is a prerequisite for my future career. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

I am still anxiously waiting to hear whether or not I've gotten the position I've been trying for. I am supposed to hear this week and every time the phone vibrates I about bounce off my seat.

I just need something to change, soon.

Is There a God...Why is he waiting?

Ah, blogger...how I've missed you.

Livejournal was creating a lot of issues with bots on my AIM. Yesterday I received about five random instant messages about everything from naked women to bongs.

The only advantage that LiveJournal has/had over Blogger is that it allows me to set privacy settings for each individual entry. With twitter and all the other social media people I actually know in real life started reading my blog and well as much as I'd like to think I'm an open book...I'm not.

Yesterday I was headed back to my third interview with a local clinic. I check in and am waiting...and waiting..and the human resources person comes out. She looks at me quizzically...'what are you doing here? Didn't you get my message the other day?' Um, yes, I did. Right after I got the message to be here at 12:30pm. Yep, apparently there was a huge case of the right hand not talking to the left hand and the short version is that I put on heels for nothing. The HR person did reassure me that I'm a strong contender for the position I've applied for and I should hear early next week.

I had already scheduled the rest of the afternoon off as I am on my school schedule. I'm suppose to start school in an hour and a half as I have an orientation for one of my online classes. I don't think I'm going to be there. I'm still confused about what to do. One minute I'm eager to go back to school...the next minute I hate my office so much I can hardly stand it.

I could write a book about the issues that this office has. HIPPA violations, lack of professionalism...do you know I haven't had working voice mail since I've been there? I can't print claims from my computer. My boss has never done my job, she has no idea how to do my job, yet she constantly is telling me to do things that I know are a)wrong, b)unethical, or c)makes no sense at all.

Enough already.

Because of my weight loss I found myself with a ton of clothes that are too big for me. I had the bright idea to sell the items on ebay. I wasn't looking to get rich, just make a few bucks. I didn't. What I did get was a multitude of stupid questions. I don't how ebayers do it. I had a top listed for ninety-nine cents. Ninety-nine cents people!!!! And someone emails me haggling me about the shipping cost. Wants me to stuff it in a priority mail flat rate envelope because they don't want to pay the $8 charge I have for priority mail. Yes, I know it's kinda high but I do have to drive my ass to the post office.

I sold a few items, the rest are going to the women's shelter. I'm talking nice shit. Wool dress skirts, blouses, lots of nice work items.

In the meantime I continue to spend all of my money on ebay feeding my vintage hat habit.

Title credit: New Deep by John Mayer

Thursday Ten

1. Happy New Year! I hope everyone had the celebration they wanted. Hubby and I went to one of our favorite wine bars and enjoyed a wonderful four course meal...well kind of. Our fourth course never arrived. However, we know the owner and she'll take care of us next time we go in.

2. I was shocked by how I could barely stay awake until midnight. I knew I should have taken a nap but I didn't expect to be that tired. Hubby and I were home and in bed by about 12:45. I slept until 10am which is unheard of.

3. I had a second interview with the company I interviewed with last week. I was not impressed. I just didn't get a good vibe. The COO was asking me questions about my time at different jobs because she stated she needed that information, however it was on my resume AND on the application I filled out. Not to mention that halfway during the interview they realized that I was interviewing for one position and they were interviewing me for another.

4. This means I had some decisions to make. If I leave my present job to work full time than that means no school. School starts Monday. If I start school I'm not going to drop. I'm taking some heavy classes and I don't like to do anything less than 110 percent (well other than blog, apparently).

5. So hubby and I chatted about it for quite a while during our dinner last night. I know, deep down, that if I don’t go back to school this semester, then I’m not going back. On the other hand, I’m not sure we can afford for me to only work part time. BUT I feel strongly that school and working part time is what God has planned for me…..and if it is I’m hoping that he will began to make things more pleasant for me at work.

6. There are SO many things about my present employer that I hate. But there are some things that make it ok. It’s flexible. It’s close. They pay me pretty well for working part time. I am currently experience two paid four day weekends in a row. VERY NICE.

7. I don’t really believe in doing New Year’s Resolutions. I like to think that you can start each day as a new start. But I do have some goals that I would like to accomplish.

8. I would like to get in the habit of waking up early every morning and spending some time with the book “Purpose Driven Life.” I feel that I need to spend some time meditating, praying, and just getting to know the inner me a little bit better.

9. The best part about this four day weekend is that I really have nothing planned. We are supposed to go to a casual party Saturday night and the boys don’t come back until Sunday night. Other than kickboxing I don’t have anywhere I need to be. Hell, I didn’t shower today until 4pm.

10. I like bowl games, I do, but how many does the hubby expect me to watch in one day? At this point they are all blended together and I can’t even keep track anymore. Besides, my favorite part is the marching bands. Shhhh, don’t tell anyone.