Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Till death do us apart and the tombstone is in place

Work is slowly progressing. The doc and I both know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, we're just hoping to see it soon. I am working my ass off, although it's still there, but I feel good about the work I'm doing and I'm glad I could help.

My father has pretty much upset all of his children. My sister warned me that he could be possibly bringing his "girlfriend" to my house when he arrives on Thursday night. I had to call him to give a head's up because I don't want to meet her.

That is my prerogative and my choice. I've talked about it extensively with my psychologist and she's assured me that this is a correct decision for me. I seriously can't put making my father feel better about his choice above my own mental health. I discussed his choices with him today and it became a very heated argument. Now my father has decided to close his business, because "she" feels it's unsafe. Now he has decided he needs to move to Southern California to be closer to her even though most of his family lives up north. And the biggie..he told me that he is waiting to marry "her" out of, and are you ready for this load of shit, respect for me.

I basically told him that he was being disrespectful to the memory of my mother. I also explained that at this point even thinking of him marrying someone else made me literally sick to my stomach and I didn't want to even discuss it.

I swear, I don't know who he is. I reminded him that every grief source I've consulted discourages you from making any major decisions for at least a year. He argued with me saying that everything he's consulted says everyone reacts differently. Yes, that's true I told him and those same people say wait a year before making any major changes.

I'm pretty sure that I'd be hard pressed to find a source that says after your wife of 41 years suddenly dies you should find a girlfriend, that was related to her, quit your job, move away from everyone, and remarry in less than a year.

I'm just saying.


Gabe Miranda said...

I can't spar with you on that one. I find it hard to believe my sister wants to get married and buy a house so soon after divorcing her husband, but she's an adult and I don't run her life. I have my own worries. Love does run deep. My brother told me dad sleeps in a different room than his new wife of 13 years. Guess the 35 years with mom was hard to break.

Anonymous said...

I have a friend who married quickly after the death of her husband. I didn't understand it. She read some book..."I'm mourning as fast as I can..."? I think that was the name of it ....I guess it gave her the "permission" to carry on or whatever.

Whystinger said...

It makes sense for him to leave his honey home, especially if they are shacking up. You have kids and explain to him this is not a good role model. Amongst other things.

jennster said...

oh man, i'm so sorry. this has to be so hard. my dad cheated on my mom after 32 years and then left her for the other woman. him and that bitch are now married and him and i don't speak. it's awful. it's not the same situation AT ALL, but i can relate to the pain you feel when it comes to your dad and the decisions he is making.

i think that after being married for so long- and losing a spouse suddenly, our parents don't know how to be alone. you know? and then they find comfort and act like teenagers all reckless and uncaring for anyone except themselves. there is no explanation.. :(