Sunday, November 15, 2009

There's Peace At The End of This Journey.....right?

I've been away for awhile. It's been a rough couple of weeks and every time I sit down and think about blogging about it, it's just too hard.

Needless to say I've been on a journey of sorts. One that involves crying jags once a day. Just too many changes in my life. Normally, I love change. I look at it as opportunity. But with losing my mom, the huge job change that occurred in March and basically losing my dad, one more change threatens to push me over the edge. And hubby is considering retiring at the end of the year.

There are some incentives attached that make it look enticing, but the bottom line is between income and overtime he'll be bringing in $2000 less a month. That really started stressing me out. He is looking for a post retirement job but this really isn't the best time to do a job search and his training is very specialized. He's certified to teach disaster management to government agencies. This type of training is required to receive federal funds.

Of course I would love if he landed a position tomorrow but if he doesn't, what does that mean for us? I don't want to make him feel like he can't retire.

It's basically turned me into a big ball of stress and not an easy person to live with.

I've been going back to church hoping that my faith will bring me some peace. I believe it is, just a little slow for my taste. However, I was able to have a brutally honest discussion with my husband about it, about all of it. It was painful but necessary and at the end of the discussion I felt that my husband had become, once again, the man that I can lean on.

This week I've traveled up north (California) to spend some time with my sister. She just had her ninth baby. I think the time away will really be good for me and it's always nice when I spend time with my sister.

The most frustrating thing about all of this is that I hate feeling like this. I try so hard to try to be optimistic and upbeat. I don't want to be the downer chick.

I just want some peace.

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