Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Where did my mojo go?

I haven't been able to get back fully into kickboxing since my surgery. I go to my private sessions with my trainer and a class here and there but I've avoided most of the classes and I've stayed away from sparring.

Truth is I'm afraid to go back. Taking six weeks off while everyone else is forging ahead just puts me that far behind. This morning my trainer called me on it. And while I was kicking and hitting the heavy bag I started crying.

Yep, I'm now a total pussy.

In my defense, this is a tough week, hell, it will be a rough couple of months. I'm more than a little emotional. However, attempting to kickbox with snot running down your face, not a good thing. (Sorry for that TMI but this is my blog)

Second truth is I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what's holding me back. Obviously he struck a nerve because since this morning I've been more down than I have been in ages. He did call me about an hour after I left and checked in with me. He wanted me to know that he wasn't purposely trying to be mean and I know it's his own way of motivating me.

I'm not angry with him, I'm angry with myself. What happened to the athlete in me?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Don't be so hard on yourself - most surgery is invasive and sets you back. It's always a shock to a fit person to realise that you're not where you were, and even worse if you're not sure why.

Cut yourself some slack, don't be angry with yourself - be supportive. Make some small goals and suddenly you'll look back and realise you got past that hump.