Sunday, October 25, 2009

Really, Grief does not make me horny

Yesterday my dad got married. Even though I know my mom is dead, yesterday kinda cemented the deal and it was way harder to deal with than I ever imagined.

I didn't go. Which is good because I spent Friday night/Saturday morning crying. Then I went and cleaned out the work storage. And then I went home and showered and did my best to stimulate the economy by indulging in some retail therapy.

Apparently when I'm upset and depressed I spend $200 at Fredericks of H@llywood. Hey, it costs a lot of money to carry these breasts around. Plus I bought a corset, and some panties, and some lingerie because it is my wedding anniversary this week and I would like to have sex because I haven't had any since my surgery and well, I'm horny.

Blame it on my age. 41, sexual peak, yada yada yada.

Hubby knows when I'm this upset to just let me be. I normally hate malls but it was a good place for me to be yesterday. Although truly, I don't need any more clothes. My closet is at full capacity. Seriously, it's disgusting.

I've only done this serious disregard for economizing once before and that was Mother's Day. And I took a lot of that stuff back.

I'm so glad I didn't go to my dad's wedding. I definitely would not have been ok. And his reaction when I told him I was considering not going.....well that sealed the deal. It would have been nice if he could have just been my dad for a few minutes. A little consideration, a little caring about my feelings....would have gone a long way.

Instead he just yelled and told me how I need to do things for him because apparently my feelings...yeah they don't matter.

But I survived. Although I feel like now I don't have a mom or a dad. My brothers and my sister, they feel the same way. We feel abandoned. It was as if my mom's death gave my dad a chance for a "do-over." And there's nothing wrong with that if it's handled correctly. Maybe wait a little longer than a year. Maybe try to ask your family to be involved instead of just telling them they have no choice. Maybe realize that your children really miss their mom.

God, I miss my mom. A lot.

Although she wouldn't be happy there is are pics of my boobs on the internet. But then she used to think I was way wilder than I really was.

Well, I was a little wild. Sometimes.

2 comments:

Hannah said...

Oh honey, that's such a sucky day. I'm sure that no matter how wild you were/are, your mom is looking down on you and smiling at her beautiful daughter. I hope things got a little easier, kiddo.

Jennifer said...

*Hugs* I'm sorry. I hope your family can begin to heal.