Friday, January 29, 2010

See...I can learn

After my epiphany the other night I've spent the past few nights really doing some thinking.

I've been living this crazy active super busy lifestyle since I was sixteen. I've never known anything else. I realized that I don't want to be super busy any longer.'s the kicker. If I'm not constantly busy, doing things, I feel worthless. My busy schedule is how I gauge my self-worth. I know, I'm clearly insane. Then I spent some time trying to figure out how to reprioritize my life. Here's where I am -

My relationship with God

My Family

My Training

My Job (yes, it's number four - it pays for the training)


Everything else

Here's how my life was being lived:





My relationship with God

See a problem?

Here's what I'm doing:

My relationship with God - I do need to go to church more, but more importantly than that I need to take more time to develop a personal relationship. I need to read the Bible more and spend some quiet time in prayer.

My family - Sunday is supposed to be family day (well, except for Super Bowl, because the kids aren't into football) but lately I spend Sunday trying to catch up on everything I didn't have time to do during the week, including homework. So, Sunday is back to family day (except every other Sunday morning I do spar), don't judge.

Training - Even my trainer said today, I was happiest when I was training hard core. I miss it so so I went back at it full strength today. My trainer wants to put me on the list for our fight night in April, not sure I'll be ready though. Either way it feels good to be back. Besides I'm up 15 lbs since my surgery and I can't have that.

Work - Yeah, work is important. It pays for the training and the things I do with my family. gives me self-worth, yeah I know I need to work on that.

School - Yes it's so important I finish. But taking ten units while working full time is just, well, stupid. So, I dropped the statistics class this semester and I'm at a happy six units. So, it might take me a little longer, but I'll get there. I'm still taking off a bit early two days a week so I can come home and do some homework.

When I made these decisions a couple of things happened. First, my stress level went down SIGNIFICANTLY. I've slept more this week than I have since I don't know when. Second, I immediately started to think about what I could get done with this new free time. Then I had to slap myself.

The hard part is trying to figure out where I learned that my self worth is defined by how hard I push myself to accomplish the impossible.

My therapist is going to work with me on this, but she's proud I've discovered all of this by myself.

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