Thursday Ten

1. Taking a week of off kickboxing kicks my ass. I’ve only gone twice this week and tomorrow I have my session with my trainer. I have a feeling that I won’t be able to walk afterwards. However, as I see the scale go lower, it’s all worth it.

2. I really don’t know what to do about work. I’m afraid to make any big decisions because I understand that emotionally, I’m not all there. So part of me isn’t sure that I’m unhappy because of all the other circumstances or am I unhappy because things at work really suck.

3. I’ve been working on a list of pros and cons. That’s normally how I make a lot of decisions.

4. Pros – flexibility, if I need to leave early, come in late, it’s not that big of a deal. I can work part time so I can go to school. It’s close to home, no long commute.

5. Cons – everytime someone in the office doesn’t want to deal with something, it gets pushed onto to me. Everyone seems nice but they really talk shit about everybody behind their backs. I can only imagine what they say about me. The office isn’t conducted in as professional a manner as I would like.

6. The biggest (possible) con is that I’m unhappy. But am I unhappy because of work or because of the other stuff or is it a little bit of both?

7. Can you tell that I totally OVERTHINK things? Ugh, it’s a horrible trait. I do it during kickboxing too, and that’s a bad trait to have when someone is wearing boxing gloves and is looking forward to punching you.

8. The hardest part of all of this is not being able to get a handle on my emotional state. Normally when things are tough I can talk myself into a positive state of mind. I normally NEVER waste time feeling sorry for myself. In fact every morning I get up and think to myself that ‘today will be a better day’ which lasts for about two hours.

9. But heck, at least I keep trying.

10. This weekend is the Belmont Shore Christmas Parade. I hate to deal with all the people and the crowds but Einstein is in it and what kind of mom would be if I stayed home? Other than that, it should be a quiet weekend. I hope to finish the rest of my Christmas shopping because this is the LAST quiet weekend I have before Christmas.